


Once Upon a Dream

by BattyJade



Category: Gerard Way - Fandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Childhood Friends, College freshman reader, Daddy Kink, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Kinky sex, Love Triangles, Mentions of Cancer, Older Gerard, Older Man/Younger Woman, Pining, Reader-Insert, Some Plot, Spanking, Suicidal Thoughts, Vaginal Fingering, Younger Pete, mentions of depression, much younger reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2018-09-25 18:50:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9839108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BattyJade/pseuds/BattyJade
Summary: Reader leaves a party right after taking something and meets a man named Gerard in her drug induced haze. However she feels as if she's met him before, a very long time ago. She can't help but teasingly call him daddy as he helps her get back home. she soon finds herself sleeping with him, in more ways than one, and begins the most complicated and rewarding relationship of her life.





	1. Chapter 1

Snow fell as I gazed out, softening the jagged city skyline. Hot tears streamed just as silently down my face. I breathed heavily through my nose so I didn’t start sobbing. I don’t really even know why I’m crying like this. But still my heart felt like a heavy, warped, chunk of lead, slowly sinking and tearing me apart. I took in another shaky breath to try and calm myself and let it out slowly. I did my best to ignore the muffled sound of loud thumping music and everyone else having a good time coming from the house behind me. I was lonely, even inside surrounded by people. So much so that I’d retreated to the steps of the front porch.

I swished what was left of my watermelon daiquiri around in the red plastic cup I’d been given. My head felt foggy. I normally never drank. Never this much. Maybe that was why I felt like this. And maybe that was why I’d taken the same pill all the other boys did. I winced as I heard Pete laughing loudly inside. He still hadn’t even noticed I was gone. He probably wouldn’t even notice if I didn’t come back. My heart ached again. None of the other boys probably would either. Well, Andy might, but much later. If he couldn’t remember what happened to me the next day he always texted me. 

Why did I even come to this stupid thing? Because it’s what the boys were doing and they invited me. It made me happy. But then I’d had to see Pete’s ex getting all wound around him. It’d been obvious how much he enjoyed it. Had I started drinking then? It was stupid. A stupid party with older college kids, seniors, why did I think I would be anything but miserable here. I had no reason to be upset with Pete either. It wasn’t like we were more than friends. We’d met years ago, stuck in the same physiatrist’s office, and become fast friends. He was better with people than me though. I was too shy and serious and odd all the time, I couldn’t act normal like he could. 

It had been a month ago now, since I’d asked him to be my first time…since we’d slept together. I just wanted something to make me feel more normal…to feel loved. I didn’t regret it. Pete had been wonderful, attentive, romantic even. It was as good as fucking your best friend got I think. However now I was thinking twice about the morning after, when we’d done it again…and then again a few days later. That was my fault. But we hadn’t done it since, even with all the suggestive jokes, and intimate touches Pete kept making. But now he was back to her. I was an idiot for even thinking he might have been falling for someone as worthless as me. No one had ever wanted me. Stupid broken little girl.

I giggled giddily into the cup, my heart suddenly feeling like it was filling with helium. I’d fucked Pete. I laughed loudly then bit my lip, covering my mouth as my body trembled. Wonder how that cunt would take it if I went in there right now and told her how we’d broken the stupid horse figurine she’d left at his place when he was fucking me. I laughed harder imagining her red twisted up bitchy face. Fuck. I was losing it. But it felt so fucking good. More cheers and laughter rang out from inside, probably another winning shot in the beer pong game. I set my drink down on the steps and got to my feet, shaking a bit. I wasn’t going to waste it here. 

My boots clacked roughly against the sidewalk as I started up the dimly lit street. Home wasn’t too far if that’s where I felt like going. A few turns, three blocks total to get out of the neighborhood, then up the hill and over the bridge, and five more blocks. No, wait two blocks, home wasn’t my old apartment, it was mom’s house….well…it had been her house. She’d died three months ago, finally losing the battle with cancer. It had blindsided me. True growing up without my dad had been rough on both of us. I still hadn’t forgiven her for some things that had happened and we’d always fought constantly and we hardly talked because of it but… I’d still loved her. She was my mom.  
I’d stayed away from the house for nearly all that time. Until about a week ago when my lease had run out. I didn’t have any other choice. My roommate had left two months ago, when she moved back to Oregon to get back together with her ex-girlfriend. I couldn’t afford it by myself anymore, and since I was an only child the house had become mine anyway. So I’d packed up my things and come back home…until I decided what to do with it. I’m so lonely. 

I laughed, frame trembling as I wrapped my arms around myself. That house is so big…big and empty…like a doll house. I burst into more laughter, rising to my tiptoes and spinning in a circle, then leaping ahead. I raised my arms above me like a ballerina, pointing my toes, and twirled again. I couldn’t stop laughing, chilled hands slipping into my hooded leather jacket and marched forward, with just a little bit of a sway, on my toes of course. I could barely even feel the cold flakes landing in my hair. I danced again when I reached the bridge, kicking at the thin layer of snow settling over everything. I felt so good. Everything was beautiful, unreal, it was better than dreaming. I made it a little less than halfway up when I stopped and looked over. The entire city was empty outside, everyone already hunkered inside, sleeping, hiding from the storm coming. The lights shined and gleamed in all the buildings. Man made stars, glowing in their metal, glass, and brick casings. Fireflies in a jar. I twirled again in a circle. The streets were all empty, ghosts and dream walkers silently filling in everyone’s place, keeping them out, keeping it safe here. So lonely. I sighed, turning back to the bridge, gripping the metal beams. But I wasn’t like normal people. I could walk here. 

I batted away the small white flakes, dancing slowly like fairies, and tugged myself up against the railing. It was a small old bridge, whimsical and elegant, with a flat edge at the top of the walking guard…just enough to get your footing on between the beams. Enough to look out over the world on. I’d always been scared of heights, I’d never even got close enough to touch the beams looming out towards the water until now. I used them to climb up, my knees wobbling as they found footing and I stood taller than my small frame ever had. I kept my grip firm, leaning heavily to the beams. My breathing was thick and ragged, excited. I didn’t feel any fear. Whatever happened here, I couldn’t seem to think I’d regret it. My feet got surer the longer I stood, my laughter was bubbling up again. I must look beautiful up here too…standing with the ghosts, breathing in the haze of dreams. It was so late, so late it was early. Witching hour, the time of magic. I could smell it, feel its weight gathering in my lungs like dew. I belonged here. I bit my lip and laughed again. I started dancing along the edge, one toe pointing out over the edge, over the city, over life. Victory. Insanity. Freedom. What would it feel like to fly over I wonder. Would I fall down, or after a little dip, fly up, twisting and turning like a balloon. 

I grabbed the beam to my right, and swung around it, both feet leaving the rail, and landing again on the other side. Gonna die something warned in me and I bit back the laughter that bubbled up my throat. Who fucking cared? This felt…it felt…fuck there was no way to describe it. It was a feeling no other human being had ever had before, would never have after me. I fucking owned it and I wasn’t letting go. I twirled around the beams, dancing, jumping, slipping a little, and laughing whenever I did. Daring gravity to touch me. Would it be so bad to die right now? Right here? I wasn’t scared. I sneaked closer to the edge, feeling naughty. Why did I care anymore? Being alive was full of so much pain. No one would care now, no one would be drowned in despair, pulled down to the bottom to choke on it if I did it now. No rules, no chains, no consequences. Do it. Something small in me whispered. Fucking do it, they’ll understand once they stop crying. They’ll understand…you were meant for this weren’t you? Wanna fucking dance around the stars. 

I tilt my head, watching as a man walks slowly towards me from the same direction I came. He’s in black, and for a moment I wonder if it’s Pete coming to yell at me, shatter my perfection, but he’s much too tall. I ignore him. I keep dancing around, slowly, waiting for him to pass. I don’t stop, because surely he’s different too if the ghosts have let him through. He must be like me. I make sure not to get too far back in case he ruins it and tries to get me to come down. I start humming as a song worms it's way into my mind. it's old, one I don't think I've heard since I was a girl. From sleeping beauty I think. I start dancing to it. But he doesn’t pass, he stops, a few feet before me and watches, smoking a cigarette. I turn, spinning, and look at him, my head tilted, hair spilling everywhere. 

“That’s pretty baby,” he murmurs, but his voice is clear, sharp. I can hear every letter, I wonder why since I always struggle to make out what people are saying. He’s older than me. I can tell that at a glance, but he’s beautiful. I giggle, breaking out into a grin, biting my lip. I give him more of a show, dancing, swinging my legs out as far as they’ll go, spinning around the inside. I dip down, then stretch up, fingertips barely touching the metal, knowing if I lean forward I’ll fly. I keep thinking about how it felt when he called me baby, setting sparks and snow flurries storming inside me. I'm still humming the song, the bits I can remember. I pirouette in little circles between the beams I laugh like a naughty child the whole time, and I hear him letting out little ‘oooooo’s and ‘beautiful’s as he smiles at me. He doesn’t try to stop me. I slowly dance back to him, where he’s now resting against the rail, watching me intently, but with aged admiration. I bite my lip and smile at him, hidden halfway behind a larger beam. He smiles back and claps his hands, letting out a whistle, applauding my performance. He looks at me like I’m beautiful. I must be. The bridge must make me look like the feeling he’d making dance along my nerves. His body language is soft, nonthreatening, like another ghost filled in with color, as if he can’t really do anything to me. But his eyes are sharp, golden and greedy, outlined in harsh beautiful dark eyebrows. His eyes look like they want to own me…or maybe like they already do, and I shiver. His hair is black too, long and messily combed back. He’s wearing a kind of expensive looking suit. Vest and tie and fancy coat and all, a grown man. Looking at him makes my stomach tighten… makes me want things I know I shouldn’t.

“That was wonderful baby girl. You looked so beautiful.” He says lowly, and I blush. 

“Me?” I ask softly. He smiles and I melt a bit more. I want this man to touch me. I don’t know why, but I want it so desperately it makes flames lick up my spine. 

“Yes baby,” he whispers and opens his palm resting on the rail towards me. “Prettiest little thing I’ve ever fucking seen,” Something about his voice makes me think he isn’t lying. He means it. I tiptoe over to him, giggling a little, I just can’t help it. Every time he calls me baby it stirs something deep down inside me. He raised his hand up for me, and I took it. It was so much bigger than mine, callused but smooth, large, warm, elegant fingers. I slowly slide down, so I’m sitting on the railing. Everything is fuzzy and warm. I love that he’s part of this. I trust him. He stands in front of me, sliding his arms around me. 

“Come here sweetheart, time to go home now.” He said, in that same perfect, manly voice. I was getting turned on. I felt like he was taking care of me. His hands slid up under my arms and lifted me. Was this what having a father felt like? Protection, safety, love, I wasn’t sure. But I liked it.

“Kay Daddy,” I said before breaking into giggles. I’d meant it as a tease, since he’d suddenly lifted me like a child. But his eyes locked onto me with a new intensity as my legs wrapped around him. I trembled again, wrapping my arms around his neck. I swore I could hear him growl. He was so strong. He made me feel small and safe and cherished. He stared at me intensely even as he held me and began walking. I started humming the same song, some of the words coming back to me as I remembered the tune. To my surprise he started humming along with me, as if this was something we'd shared. I giggled, touching his beautiful face. He smiled and kissed my hand. I felt slick, so turned on I’d already gotten wet. His hands slid up my thighs and cupped my ass, holding me up. I moaned and leaned into his neck. I felt him chuckle under me. He squeezed gently and I nuzzled into his neck whimpering.  
“You’re so cold baby. So soft and perfect. Gonna warm you up as soon as we get home.” He whispered and one hand rubbed up and down my back. I bit my lip and trembled, thinking of all the ways he could warm me up. He kept cuddling and kissing me as we walked home. He carried me all the way. Didn’t even let me down when he unlocked and opened my front door. I wasn’t light. He was so strong. He took me upstairs and into the bathroom, setting me on the counter. I giggled as my body trembled, shivering. 

“Hold on baby, I’ll get you warm in just a minute.” He said, his voice making me shiver more. I loved his voice. He turned on the tub, water steaming, then turned back to me as it filled. I looked up at him and he smiled warmly at me, stroking my face gently. My heart pounded in my chest, but at the same time, I’d never trusted anyone more. Was he a stranger? The obvious answer was probably yes but…it didn’t feel like that. No, I would answer no. It felt as if I’d know him for a long time. Longer than I could remember, and now he was finally back. I wanted him closer.

“Let’s get these off you my sweet girl,” he murmured then kissed my temple and removed my jacket. I giggled and sighed at his touches, always pulling him closer. He took his time as the tub filled, removing each piece of cloth slowly, hypnotic golden eyes keeping me nailed in place. Something felt squeezed deep in my chest. He had my brown leather vest off and the top buttons of my black lace dress open when he leaned in closer. I bit my lip, chest heaving as he pressed his forehead to mine. 

“Do you want me to kiss you baby girl?” He asked. He pulled my lip out from between my teeth. I took in a couple of shaky breaths. 

“Yes,” I whispered. I’d never desired someone this much. 

He captured my lips and I closed my eyes with a sigh. They were soft, but his skin prickled just a tiny bit from his five o clock shadow. I delighted in the constant reminder that he was older than me, a full grown man, rugged and strong, and so fucking handsome. I didn’t understand how he could want me. His lips molded eagerly against mine, as if he’d been waiting to do this for a very long time. He tilted my head, deepening the kiss, and as my lips parted, allowing him entrance. I moaned at the taste. He growled back, one hand fisting into my hair. He leaned farther into me, clutching me close, the kiss quickly getting heated and desperate. He pulled back both of us panting slightly.

“You taste so perfect (f/n) baby.” He growled, and I could feel his desperation in the air around us. Thick and musky, he smelled like old leather and cigarettes, comforting and familiar, giving me an odd nostalgic feeling. He peppered my face with kisses. Then his lips ran down my neck, sucking gently, making me whimper. I whined high in my throat when he pulled away from me.  
“Bath’s ready baby,” he chuckled as he walked over to the tub and shut off the water. 

He walked back to me, removing the rest of my clothes in a way I could only describe as tender. I sat naked on my bathroom counter but I didn’t feel shy. I would let this man do whatever he wanted. He kissed my shoulders, his hands ran down my body, rubbing me softly. His gaze on me was soft, loving, possessive. He made me feel like something worth wile…treasured. He looked at me like something he’d been missing for a long time.

“You’re so beautiful babes,” he murmured, and the odd name struck something in me, something I couldn’t quite remember. He kissed down between my breasts, then my stomach. His hands slid down to my hips, kneading and gripping tightly. Tears prickled behind my eyelids for reasons I didn’t understand.

“Do you know me?” I whispered, and his golden eyes looked back up at me. 

“Yes baby,” he said, hands tightening on my hips. “Been trying to find you for a long time..” 

He turned his attention back to my body, kissing down my calves, to my ankles before coming back up. He pulled me into him and lifted, my body wrapping around him as if I’d done this many times before. Though I couldn’t remember ever having done so with anyone.

“Now I have the rest of our lives to be with you…treat you like you deserve my sweet girl.”

My heart pounded. He set me in the tub, being careful to make sure it wouldn’t scold me then stood. The tub was something I’d actually missed a lot. It was an old deep and roomy claw foot tub, one even a larger girl like me could easily fit into and soak up to my chin. I let out a pleased sigh as the warmth started to work out the chilled aches in my muscles and sensitive skin. He didn’t join me, but removed his jacket and rolled up the white sleeves of his dress shirt. I leaned back as he instructed, and he washed my hair, massaging my scalp and neck with large skilled hands. He kissed my shoulder when I leaned back and chuckled at my eagerness. 

“Feel good baby?” he whispered into my ear before he bit it making me keen and whimper. 

“Yes,” I whispered, making him laugh lowly again. I rubbed my thighs together under the water. I was so horny. Everything he did made me needier. I was getting more aroused than I ever had been before. Then I had a thought…

“Do I know you?” I asked, realizing I had nothing to call him. And I was beginning to want to call his name desperately. He smiled at me, rinsing my hair. 

“You used to baby,” He whispered. “Where so cute, first one to call me Gee instead of Gerard.” He said and kissed my head affectionately. I trembled. Gerard. Gerard was a good name, a name that sent shivers up my spine. Familiar.

“Gee,” I murmured softly. He hummed into my neck approvingly and began to wash my skin with his hands lathered up with body wash. His hands moved slowly over my neck and shoulders, my arms, then he sat me up. My breasts came up out of the water, nipples perking when they met the cooled air.

“So fucking beautiful,” He whispered into my ear and gently took my breasts into his hands. I let out a moan, rocking against him as he circled my nipples with his thumbs. He keeps caressing me, making sure not to neglect a single part of my body. 

“You’re perfect baby girl,” he whispers as one hand slips down farther, under the water, over my stomach. It tenses under his large hand. I gasp then cry out as his rough finger brushes my clit. I pant and whimper as one hand stays at my breast, and the other slips even lower. He cups my sex and I start squirming, trying not to gasp. My head is still swimming, whatever I took still running through my system. Everything felt so good. I just wanted to feel good. 

“G-gee,” I whimper and he growls lowly. “P-please,” I pant. I can feel him grinning against my neck. A finger slips into me and I groan. It’s so much bigger than mine…bigger than Pete’s was too. 

“You like that baby? My fingers feel good?” he murmured as I thrust against them. He swirls his finger in me and I groan, I cant stop. Then his finger leaves me and moves lower. I whine, desperate and upset, but he shushes me gently. He pulls my thighs up and using more soap starts to caress them. I groan, not understanding how such a slow soft touch can turn me on so much. 

“Please…” I whimper, but the only answer I get is him kissing my neck. He continues his slow teasing until I’m completely clean, then he pulls the plug. He pulls me out, grabbing a towel and starts to dry me off. He has me spread my legs to dry them, and I can’t stop moans and pants from slipping out as he continues to tease me. I hear him chuckling from behind me and moan again as he grips my hips. He kisses the dimple right above my ass and I gasp. 

“Want daddy to make you cum baby girl?” he growls nipping at my ass. I gasp as a bolt of desire spreads through my core. I called him that earlier as a joke but now…it makes my pulse jump and my pussy throb.

“Yes!” I whimper and he lifts me over his shoulder. He takes me into my old bedroom, I still haven’t unpacked any of my things or decided if I should take over the main bedroom. I'm like a ghost of my old self in here...everything is just how it was when I left a year ago. Though I’m aroused, I also feel sleep creeping up on me. I’m exhausted and I know I’ll pass out in a few more minutes. He doesn’t bother with the lights, but strips down after he sets me on the bed. He climbs into bed behind me, and spoons me. He wraps his arms around me and I lean back into him, enjoying the feeling of him against me. I squirm, biting my lip but he shushes me again before I can complain. One hand slowly strokes the inside of my thighs. 

“What do you say baby girl?” he growls into my neck, kissing and nipping. 

“I..ah…please?” I whine desperately.

“Please what?” he growls and I can feel it down in my bones. 

“P-please….” I begin and bite my lip, trying to stop myself…but I say it anyway, remembering the way he looked at me earlier. “Please…Daddy.” My pussy throbs at my own words. 

“Good girl,” he murmurs and two fingers slide into my slick hole. I gasp and keen as he uses his other hand to squeeze and tease my breast. I’m already so close from all his teasing. For some reason calling him Daddy makes me feel so fucking dirty and wrong and fucking perfect. I’m already thrusting against his hand.

“That’s it baby, fuck yourself on Daddy’s fingers,” he says and turns my head to kiss me. I moan into his mouth, pussy clenching at his dirty words. Everything is still foggy and hot and dreamy. He rubs my clit with his thumb as his fingers curl in me just right. He fucks me harder and faster with his fingers and I can barely take it. I whimper and cry out embarrassingly loud, but I feel nothing but pleasure. 

“So fucking tight and perfect sweetheart. Can’t wait to fuck you.” Gerard said and bucked up against my back. I moaned feeling his hardened length. He felt big. I whimpered bucking back against him. My heart pounded in my ears along with my throbbing sex. Fuck I was going to cum. I whimpered, wanting it more than anything, but I also never wanted this to stop. His fingers were so thick and long and perfect. So much better than all the times I touched myself. 

“That’s it baby,” He growled, probably feeling me tightening on his fingers. “Come now. Come for Daddy.” I froze then jerked, his words sending me over the edge. My back arched off the bed as the most amazing orgasm crashed through me. He fucked me through it with his fingers, drawing it out and making it last longer. I collapsed back into him, breathing hard, quickly crashing down from the high and falling into sleep. I felt him kiss me again, keeping his arms around me. I quickly sunk down into the warm hazy dream around me, pleasure weighing me down. He murmured sweet nothings into my ear but I was already too far gone to make out the words.


	2. Chapter 2

Sunlight streamed in through the crack in the curtains, making my head throb. I groaned, retreating under the covers. FUCK. My own fault, but still I whimpered, shutting my eyes tight and covering them with my arm. My mouth was dry and my throat hurt. I needed to get up and take something. I burrowed under my pillow instead, hoping I would pass back out and wake up feeling less shitty. Migrane? Fuck what did I do last night? It was all fuzzy and faded. I left the party… I remember that…remember how upset I was, then…how good everything felt. Then…fuck then what? Something about the bridge, but that couldn’t have been real right? I must have just walked home and that pill fucked up my dreams. Shit, I should have known better than to take it. I was all weirded out now. My head throbbed, making recalling last nights events nearly impossible. Most of it must have been a dream anyway. As I start to fade back out, the memory of a man comes back to me. I immediately get a sparkling buzz up my spine that tingles through my nerve endings. My eyes open in shock of the strange reaction and I curl my toes, trying to rid myself of the odd sensation. My hearts thumping in my chest and I can feel myself blush. I squeeze my eyes shut and curl my hands up to my chest. He’d been beautiful…and…shit…I wish that part had been real. I’d never gotten such a nice dream before…with someone who treated me so kindly…wanted me so badly. I sighed, curling up under the comforter tighter, my knees pulling up to my chest. Yeah, a guy like that wanting me…obviously a dream. My chest clenched. So lonely. Why couldn’t I find someone? Pete could do it couldn’t he? Something that sounded like the door opening caught my attention for a moment, but I dismissed it as my cat coming and going. I whimpered, choking back the tears bubbling in the back of my sore throat. So lonely. Someone chuckled lowly right behind me. My blood froze.  
“Not feeling too good baby girl?” an obviously male voice asks with a hint of humor. I threw the covers over my head and twisted till my back was pressed against the wall. I gasped, the shock closing around my throat and keeping me from screaming. I yanked the covers over me to try to cover myself when I realized I was naked. But he didn’t move forward as if to attack me, he only stood by the bed. He smiled and arched a dark brow, his expression making me feel as if I was overreacting and being silly. My pulse pounded in my ears and my breath was heavy. He was…the man from my dream last night? But then that would mean…

“No need to be so modest my sweet girl,” he murmured, and the sound of his voice undid me, making me quiver and feel small. He leaned forward over the bed, his hand catching my chin and kissed me. It was soft and sweet, a pleasant and gentle pressure, not someone trying to hurt me. My muscles began to relax and my eyes fluttered. I couldn’t help it, it didn’t make any sense but it was like my body just responded to him without my control. All my logic seemed to fly out the window. Suddenly I didn’t want him to stop kissing me. But I didn’t really even know him did I? He pulled back and I could only stare at him dazed. He chuckled, kissed me again, then took me into his arms. I let out a squeak as he sat me on his lap, then reached for something on the bedside table. 

“Here, this should help you feel better sweetheart.” He murmured putting two pills into my hand. I recognized them as my heavy duty pain meds and he handed me a glass. Instead of water I found Gatorade, and sighed thankfully. With the pounding back in my head, I happily accepted the offering and quickly gulped them down. I drank half the glass and was going to put it down, but his fingers tilted it back up, urging me to drink. 

“Come on now, the whole thing. Can’t have my baby getting dehydrated. It’ll make you feel better.” He said encouragingly. I let out a little grunt, but slowly finished the glass.

“There, that’s my good girl.” He said taking the glass from me and kissed my head. I blushed, my heart leaping embarrassingly from the praise. Why did I like this? One large hand rubbed along the back of my neck and shoulders in a slow soothing gesture. I shivered. I wanted to be praised more. I wanted him to tell me what a good girl I was. I tried to recall more of what happened last night. 

“I-I….” I began but couldn’t find the right words. 

“Hmmmm?” he hummed, still rubbing my back. 

“I…I don’t really remember a lot of what happened last night.” I admitted, though it was more accurate to say I couldn’t tell how much of what I was remembering was real. “So…I’m not really sure…what it is you’re doing here.” I said. He stroked my hair soothingly, and I got the courage to look back at him. I shivered, only a little from the chill. He was so fucking good looking, grown out black hair, and that whole older bad ass look always having been my sort of thing. What could a man like this see in me?

“Like I told you last night, I’ve finally found you. We’ve been apart for a long time. But now everything’s alright, and I’ll never have to leave your side again babes. Hold on a minute.” He said and stood, going to my suitcase. He pulled out one of my favorite band tees then pulled it over my head. I felt better with something covering me and I wasn’t too cold anymore. Babes…that…hadn’t that been what everyone used to call me when I was little? Before we moved?

“So then…how is it exactly you know me? I don’t really…remember you.” I said. He didn’t get angry, just smiled. 

“That’s alright baby, it’s been such a long time, and you were so young. I didn’t think you would remember right away.” He said and stroked my hair again. I blushed, everything making me feel like I should let this man care for me, love me, enjoy every sweet gesture he gave me. I wasn’t used to this. He sat back down, already dressed, and pulled me back onto his lap. He handed me a protein bar before he continued.

“You were about five the last time we saw each other. Our fathers had been friends…our families used to be very close. Back in Newark…we always used to be together.” He said. My head throbbed again, and I held it in my hand. Newark…I…I could vaguely remember living there when I was little…the house was big, a bigger back yard, manicured with woods in the back. People always used to be there…so many people, before I had been just me and my mom. I remembered feeling happy.

“You…probably never knew what your father did…I don’t think you really ever even knew your father…he was always busy with work. He was my dad’s boss…we always made sure to be around for you and your ma. I’ve known you since you were two.” He said as his gleaming gold eyes bored into me. My brow furrowed, and he laced his fingers with mine. It all sounded so familiar…I felt like I could almost recal…but the memories kept slipping away. He smiled at me warmly. 

“It’s alright baby girl.” He whispered, then adjusted the covers and laid me down under them. “You need more rest. You stay here and sleep. I’ll be around, just call for me if you need anything.”

“But-“ I began, trying to sit up. I didn’t have nearly enough answers. I needed to know this man, to know who he had been to me before and who he was now. I needed to know he was safe, trustworthy like he made me feel. But my head pounded and he pushed me back down. 

“There’ll be time for everything later my little (f/n), I promise. But right now isn’t really the time for it. Sleep off everything in your system, feel better, then you can ask me anything you want. I would not hurt you, my sweet girl. I love you too much.” He says tenderly, as if he knows my doubts like they are written on my face. I excuse myself to the bathroom first, my bladder finally waking, then quickly return. He users me under the covers then pets me, laying beside me on top of the blankets. I shouldn’t, but I fade into sleep quickly, feeling his hands on my hair. 

Midday is turning into evening when I wake up again. Probably a combination of my system rebooting after whatever shit infected it along with the alcohol. Water was left by my bed and I drank it, knowing I needed it. Shortly after I make another trip to the bathroom. I feel much better now at least. My brain feels like it’s at least trying to function normally, and the pickaxe in between my eyes is gone. Gerard is nowhere to be seen however. I feel a twinge of sadness at this for some reason. But…now seems like a good time to have a look for myself. I pull on new underwear and my pair of batman pajama pants. Then I quickly slip into the hallway and tug down the attic stairs. I go up without looking down so I don’t freak out. Then I go to the oldest boxes in the attic. They’re from the first house, still untouched and covered in dust. I dig though two before I find what I’m looking for. Photo albums. They aren’t dated, my mom wasn’t the most detail oriented, so I start flipping through them randomly. The first is nearly empty, just a few photos in front of my first day of school and some pictures of the yard, a couple photo’s of a trip to the zoo. I set it aside and get my hands on the one that feels heaviest. 

There are baby pictures of me inside. A tiny little red thing, with big dark eyes wrapped in pastel colored blankets. My mother looks happy, and I bite my lip as I tear up. I run my fingertips over the shape of her face, her smile, her hair. I miss her. A hot tear streams down, but I ignore it. I flip the pages, and I stop again as I see a man with my mother. He has brown hair, wears blue jeans and a white t-shirt. He’s smiling, and they’re much younger. My father I think. But I don’t touch his face. I don’t feel love, or sadness, or anything warm. I didn’t know him.

I thought back to Gerard’s words and realized how right they were. I didn’t have a single memory of him. Not of his face anyway. I could remember hearing a man fight with mom, in another room when I was really little. But if that was him then that was it. He’d never been there, so I hadn’t known the difference when he died. My mom said he was dangerous, that his work couldn’t have him close to us so I couldn’t see him. I flipped through more photos. I had hair now, white curly little wisps. Diapers and dresses. And then…I froze as my hand touched a picture of me sitting on a boy’s lap. Well, not so much a boy, as a young man, a teenager I think. He looked younger, his eyes were softer, his smile shyer, but those gold eyes and dark hair were the same. The same song from last night was still stuck in my head, I hummed it absentmindedly. I hastily flipped through more, and there were other men, older than him, but with big friendly familiar smiles. Uncles, I thought absently. I’d called them uncles. There were lots of pictures of me and Gerard together, me often clinging to him. One of me dancing on his toes. I looked so happy. Then it looked like I was about five or six…and the pictures just stopped. I turned back and looked at us together again.

“You were almost six when Marie decided it was too dangerous for us to be around you,” Gerard whispered and I jumped. I turned my head and he stood calmly behind me, looking down at the album. 

“She was gone with you before any of us really got to argue. Covered her tracks so we couldn’t find her. It took me a long time to find out where you’d gone. Longer than I liked.” He said softly. His hand rested on my shoulder, I think to comfort himself more than me. 

“When did you find me?” I asked, slipping my hand up to hold his. 

“A few months ago... When Marie had to stay at the hospital.” He said. 

“How did you find that out?” I asked looking up at him. His face looked…serious, not exactly solemn, but guarded. 

“That’s something I don’t want you to know about baby. It’s safer for you if you don’t know.” He said, gripping my shoulder gently. I looked back down. 

“Same reasons my father had?” I asked looking back at the photos in the album. I heard shuffling as he sat down next to me. 

“Yes my smart girl,” he whispered, encasing me in his arms and resting his head on my shoulder to look with me. 

“Should I be worried?” I asked.

“No.” He said firmly. “I would never let anything hurt you. If I thought there was even the possibility something would have happened I wouldn’t have come. You’re safer with me. I made sure of that.” He said and touched a photo of me sitting on his lap while he held a book, probably reading it to me. I bit my lip and shivered a little, blushing as I remembered what I did with him last night…if that was what happened last night. Should I really still be feeling like this about him… I mean he’s known me since I was in diapers for Christ’s sakes. 

“You know…when you were really little, sometimes you’d call me daddy.” He said teasing me. I blushed and smacked him lightly. 

“Shut up, don’t say that!” I hissed, getting embarrassed and fidgeting away from him. He laughed, the sound sharp but distinctly male, making heat coil low in my stomach.

“What? You did, it was cute.” He growled into my neck and chuckling lowly. He started to kiss my neck, nipping and sucking, making me squirm. Fuck, I pressed my legs together. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I shouldn’t be imagining him pushing me down onto my back and settling in between my thighs.

“Well it wasn’t like I even knew what that meant!” I snapped, and he chuckled again. I could feel him smile against my shoulder. 

“Say it again.” he growled into my shoulder. I shivered, then tried to push him away. He laughed and started tickling me. I laughed, uncontrollably, smacking at him. I jerked and thrashed until I pulled both of us down. Gerard finally stopped and I relaxed, looking into his eyes as we laid on our sides facing each other. He smiled and caressed my cheek, looking at me like I was exceptionally important. It made my heart ache. 

“Why didn’t you just give up looking for me…I mean…that was over ten years ago.” I whispered. His grip on me tightened.

“Because you were my entire world baby girl. You were the first thing I ever cared about, the first person to show me love, to need me. Wasn’t going to let you slip through my fingers.” He held me closer as my heart swelled. No one had ever said such nice things to me, to basically profess their undying love for me. I bit my lip. 

“Then…I mean…” I whispered but lost my nerve. 

“What baby girl?” he whispered and kissed my forehead. 

“Well… when I was little...our relationship was obviously platonic.” I said. He nodded brushing my hair back. “So…I mean…I’m just trying to figure out why you would…you know…like me now...in a romantic sort of way.” I whispered. He chuckled. 

“You find it odd that I’m in love with you?” he whispered teasingly, humor in his voice. “Like you said…it’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other. You’ve grown up…you’re an adult now…” he said and his hands ran up my curves. I gasped and arched my back as his large rough hands caressed my breast. His other hand ran down over my butt and gave it a squeeze. He captured my mouth and started to kiss me. “You’re fucking beautiful baby girl.” Our bodies melded together, limbs tangling. 

“Bu-but I mean, isn’t that kind of fucking twisted? I-we shouldn’t be-” I stuttered nervously. 

“Do you not want me baby girl?” he asked biting my ear. I jolted. 

“Wha? I-I-”

“I asked if you fucking wanted me.” He growled and moved his thigh up between my legs, pressing it against me. I gasped, biting off a moan as I couldn’t help but thrust against him. Fuck, I was already turned on, I shouldn’t have been, but I was, fuck me I was. I was probably already wet. He sparked something inside me that I couldn’t control. 

“I-I want you.” I whimpered, pulling him closer to me. I shouldn’t have said that! Fuck, I always knew I was messed up but…I was already thinking about him fucking me. He kissed me hard and I melted. 

“Then it isn’t wrong. I won’t force you. But I want you. I’m not going to let you go. You’re a grown woman. It’s nobody else’s business if I decide to rip your clothes off and fuck you senseless.” He growled, punctuating the statement by harshly grinding his thigh against me. I moaned, and hoped he couldn’t feel me thrusting shallowly against it. He rolled on top of me, and I responded eagerly, moaning shamefully. 

“You want me baby girl?” He growled squeezing my butt.

“Y-yes,” I whimpered. 

“Yes what?” He growled.  
“W-what?” I asked breathless. He pinched my butt and I yelped. 

“Yes what?” he growled again, and I realized what he wanted me to say…what I had said last night. No, it was too fucked up. Too wrong. I shouldn’t…what would my friends think? Fuck what would Pete think? Fucking sick depraved little, girl. Gerard pushed his knee forward, grinding against my clit and sobbed. Fuck me. I didn’t care, I fucking wanted it.

“Yes daddy!" I sobbed, and my cunt throbbed. He pressed his leg against my clit and I fell apart.He thrust against me, the name obviously having the same effect on him. 

 

"Good, now come for daddy," he hissed, and pressed against my sex just right. He kissed me again, harder, and I groaned as his tongue tangled with mine. I moaned as I came, embarrassingly easy. It was quick and harsh, leaving me reeling. He finally broke us apart, both of us panting. 

“That’s my good girl,” he growled, and a shiver ran up my spine. Then my stomach growled. I blushed, hiding my face in his chest as he laughed at me. 

“Come on baby girl. Let’s go get some dinner.”


	3. Chapter 3

He made me dinner. Even as I ate it, I was finding it hard to believe. Even when I’d still been living with my mom, I had done all the cooking. Being taken care of wasn’t something I was used to. I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. It was delicious, grilled steak, homemade mashed potatoes and peas. And….it somehow wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. We talked all though dinner, he was intelligent and charming, a little off and quirky like me. He told me stories from my childhood, and kept asking me questions about myself. What music I liked, my hobbies, what I was studying at college. It made me feel interesting and important.  
We continued talking even after dinner in the living room. I now sat on his lap in the large chair, enjoying a small lapse in silence. He smiles at me like I’m something precious again and I blush. One of his hands is in my hair, massaging circles into my scalp. I sigh and lean into him, as desire starts to build low in my stomach, heat slowly rising in me. My heart is thumping unsteadily in my chest. I want him to touch me more. The thought is unnerving, and I have no idea what to do with myself. Was Pete like a kinky fairy god mother that turned me into some kind of slutty pumpkin or some shit? I cringed internally. 

“You feel better now?” he asks me.

“H-huh?” I asked

“Your hangover all better? The drugs you took last night all worn off?” He said and something about his tone sends warning bells off in my head. I feel ashamed somehow, and nervous, as if I’ve been caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to.

“I-I think so,” I whisper nervously. One of his hands comes up to stroke my cheek and I shiver. I try to swallow the lump in my throat. 

“Good, I didn’t think it would do any good to punish you before you were well enough to understand it.” He said, something bubbling behind his golden eyes. I trembled, though I was scared…this man wouldn’t really harm me, not badly. 

“P-punish?” I whimpered and he stroked my cheek gently. He hummed in response, and I couldn’t put a pin on what he was thinking or feeling. It unnerved me.

“You’ve been a bad girl without me (f/n),” he murmured and a shiver runs up my spine to the back of my skull, making my nerves buzz and goose bumps raise on my skin. “Particularly last night. Have you any idea what you did wrong?” he asks and his voice is colder, irritated, much like a parent trying to stay calm when scolding a child.

“I-I don’t think so?” I said trying to think of what could have made him mad. Last night…I’d gotten a little too wasted I suppose…and then…  
I’d been ready to kill myself. I jerk a bit at the realization, and turn my eyes away, embarrassed. I bite my lip and start squirming in his lap. But…he couldn’t have known that could he? He makes an odd kind of sound, exhaling slow and gruffly, almost like growling, somehow sounding disappointed and irritated at the same time. Before I know what’s happening I’m being shifted to lay across his lap, head hanging over the side of the chair, and my ass facing him, perfectly centered. 

“You’re a smart girl my (f/n), you should know better. I will not tolerate you lying to me again.” He said then sighed. I jolted when I felt his large hand slip under my shirt and find the hem of my pajama pants. 

“H-hey! Just what are you do- ah!” I gasp as he yanks them and my underwear down to my thighs easily. My bottom is left bare and exposed on his lap, skin already tingling from the cool air.

“You were a very bad girl,” he replies, voice between a growl and a whisper. His hand caresses my bare cheeks gently, and I shiver ducking my head back down, the effort to turn it and look at him suddenly too much. “You drank, and took something you shouldn’t have, put yourself in danger, lied to me…” he said and I began shivering on his lap, but I felt excited too. My stomach was clenched, but it was more nervousness than fear. Coming earlier hadn’t been enough. It had been too quick, and I’d been wanting more ever since. I could feel moisture forming between my thighs. 

“…and you scared your daddy.” He whispered and stroked my cheek. My face instantly turned red, ashamed. I knew what he was talking about…there wasn’t anything else it could have been. He was talking about my little stunt on the bridge. 

“I-I’m sorry,” I whimper staring up at him, and he smiles somewhat, though it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“I know sweet girl, but doesn’t that all sound like something a bad girl should be punished for?” he murmurs. I’m about to open my mouth when I suddenly feel a harsh slap to my rump. 

“Owwww!” I yelp, scrambling for purchase on the side of the chair but finding none. He’d just spanked me. Bare ass spanked my over his lap. My ass stung, and the sound of it still rang in my ears, and yet my body was tingling with pleasure. 

“I don’t like hurting you, but you need to learn. You’re never going to do a thing like that again, do you understand me?” he says. Again before I can answer, he spanks me. It’s a harsh smarting sensation that makes me gasp, but quickly the sharp pain tingles out into pleasure. 

“I-I’m sorry!” I whimper. “Please Gee, I’m sorry.” He lets out another gruff sigh.

“I think you deserve five, since this is the first time you’ve been bad. I’m going easy on you. It will be at least twice as many the next time. Do you understand?” 

I tremble, then nod weakly when met with silence. 

“Three more,” he says and I can feel my pussy throbbing. I’m all hot and bothered, and it’s hard for me to rub my legs together bent over his lap. I’m already feeling empty and in desperate need of some friction. I pant, my body tingling. 

“For taking things from strangers,” he says, probably referring to the pill I took last night. 

A harsh slap against my bare bottom and I cry out, my voice nearly as piercing. I can feel myself dripping. I hope I don’t leave a wet spot on his clothes, I’d be so embarrassed. I’m arching and wiggling my hips under his strong hold and gripping onto the side of the chair for dear life. 

“I-I’m sorry,” I whimper. 

“For lying to me,”

Another harsh slap, quicker than the first. I sob, shamefully trembling and grinding on him as best I can. I moan when I feel him get hard against me. All I can think about is sitting on his lap, grinding down on him. I’m practically drooling.

“I’m sorry!” I cry.

“For putting yourself in danger,” he growls and gives me a final slap against both cheeks and I bite into the chair. 

“I’m sorry daddy!” I sob, thoroughly aroused and equally confused. I’m panting harshly and trembling, eyes brimming with tears. 

“Aren’t going to do any of that again are you?” he says, but it feels more like a command than a question. His large hard is caressing my bottom softly, as if apologizing and trying to sooth the slaps which must have made it bright red. 

“N-no daddy,” I sob again, and I can’t seem to help myself when it comes to him. I don’t know how to act normal anymore. I shouldn’t have let him spank me, stay in my house, bathe me, finger me, and I sure as shit shouldn’t be calling him daddy. I let out another sob, pride utterly shattered. But I couldn’t care. I wanted all of these things, maybe because I wasn’t supposed to.

“You gave your virginity to someone other than me too. That was wrong, but you didn’t know any better baby, so I’m not going to punish you for it.” He said, his voice low and soothing, yet somehow still a bit scolding. I somehow find the strength to look up at him. He’s so good looking, so perfect I shiver. His golden eyes smolder, slicked back midnight hair just slightly out of place. I want him to fuck me. God I think I would let this man do anything to me, the need to feel him inside me is becoming impossible to ignore. “But now I expect you to never let another man touch you. Do you understand me?” His hand moves lower, slipping between my legs. I gasp, and struggle to keep myself up. 

I nod and he slips a finger into me. I moan and thrust against him. I’m so wet it slips in easily, he’s rubbing my g spot in seconds.  
“I’m gonna fuck you baby,” he growls slipping another finger in me and I clench around him, gasping. Nervousness clenched in my stomach along with desire. Should I really let him do this?  
“I held myself back last night since you weren’t in your right mind. But I’ve waited for you for years, I’m not waiting anymore.”  
I shiver, his dominance making my sex quiver and my chest clench. I gasp as he lifts me onto his lap, my pants gone. He sits me right on his cock and I gasp, groaning and grinding onto him. It’s so hard, and fuck he feels so big. I sob as his hand comes down and starts teasing my clit. 

“You want daddy bad don’t you baby?” he whispers in my ear, pulling me closer. I whimper, already starting to feel like I’m getting close. “So fucking wet for me already, can’t wait for me to fuck you, can you baby girl?” 

I groan, bucking against him faster. He starts kissing my neck, one hand slipping under my shirt to pinch my nipple. We continue this way, him kissing and groping nearly every inch of my body while I thrust frantically against him, until I’m trembling, desperate to come. Then he pulls away, holding me at arms length and I nearly sob. He smiles at me, taking my face in his hands and kisses me. I groan and whimper into his mouth. He’s even better at kissing than Pete, way better. He sets my entire body on fire. I gasp as he lifts me, and I straddle him. He carries me out of the living room and quickly up the stairs. My stomach clenches with anticipation. He’s going to fuck me. My heart pounds so loudly it’s the only thing I can hear. This older man wants me, and he’s going to fuck me. It’s so wrong, and so fucking right. I pant, trembling as I realize he’s taking me into my room. He lays me down onto the bed and starts taking my clothes off. 

“I-I, I don’t know if we should be doing this. I mean I’m over ten years younger than you and…” I began, but he cuts me off with a kiss, shushing me. 

“I’ve wanted you for a long time baby girl,” he says and thrusts against me. I cry out. “I would have had you a long time ago if you hadn’t been kept from me,” 

I shiver at the thought, and he smiles as if he can see right through me. He takes off my shirt and I’m left naked before him. I tremble, helpless under this older man I want so desperately. 

“You would have liked that wouldn’t you baby girl? Me coming into your room at night, right under Marie’s nose. Fucking you senseless on your little princess bed.” He groans dry humping me on the bed, shaking it, the noise loud and obscene like his words. I bite my lip and try not to groan.

And he’s right, I would have wanted him. Though I imagined he wouldn't have done anything to me before I was an adult even if I begged for it. He hadn't slept with me last night, even though I'm sure I would have wanted him to. Protecting me seemed to come before anything he did, and though he liked to talk dirty to me, he wouldn't have done anything that could have hurt me. He might have been a tease, but that would have been it. He rids himself of the rest of his clothes and then he’s looming over me on the small twin sized bed. My whole body is shaking, I’m more aroused than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I have no power, and I don’t need any. I’ve entrusted everything to this man, and it’s the most freeing and arousing thing I’ve ever felt. I've never had anyone in my bed here. I hadn't dated, so I hadn't had any of those cheesy teenage bedroom moments I always saw in movies. My heart pounded as I realized that was pretty much what was happening right now. Better late than never right? He’s probably taking advantage of me…but I love it. I feel loved and wanted, something my life has always been sorely missing.

“Spread those pretty legs for your daddy baby girl,” he growls, and I tremble, probably dripping onto the blanket. “I can’t wait for you anymore,”  
I’m a whimpering and shivering mess. My knees are already pulled halfway up and I spread them shakily. He leans forward, pressing me down into the mattress, and pressing my knees closer to my chest. He kisses me breathless again and I can feel him pressing at my entrance. I gasp as I feel him start to push into me, the tip slipping in. He quickly recaptures my mouth, diverting my attention and making me a melting mess. My arms wrap around him instinctually, and I tug on his hair with trembling arms, desperate to keep him close. His hips start rocking against me, and I sob as I feel him finally thrust into me. 

“Fuck. That’s my good girl. So nice and tight and perfect for me. You feel so good (f/n) baby.” He pants and starts thrusting into me.  
I whimper and bite my lip, the pleasure too much. I’m absolutely fucking dominated and debouched and I love it. I think of what he said before, and I can’t help picturing this happening years ago. He would have done it wouldn’t he? Fuck. I turn my head and see our shadows on the wall. My cunt clenches and he grunts, thrusting harder but still slow, his rhythm perfect. They’re only silhouettes, but I look anyway. My shadow looks dainty and feminine under his, I can see how far I have my legs up for him, I can see him thrusting into me. The bed keeps squeaking obscenely and I gasp with it. He’s fucking me. I cry out as he pinches a nipple, the pleasure drawing down to my core. I’m throbbing and dripping and whimpering for him. His cock is amazing, filling me up so impossibly full, hitting that perfect spot in me that seems to have me tightening even more around him, but it doesn’t hurt, not even a little. Tears are streaming from my eyes, I can’t help it, it feels so good. Even Pete couldn’t make me feel like this. Fuck. Everywhere he touches he must turn me to gold. I feel so precious in his arms. He starts fucking me harder, faster, and kisses me again. 

“This feel good? Do you like me fucking you in your little bed baby?” he asks and I moan. 

“Yes,” I gasp. 

“Yes what?” he growls smiling and pinches my nipple hard.

“Yes DADDY! Fuck!” I cry as he fucks me harder. He’s thumbing my clit again and I think I’m going to fucking die. I’m letting out little ah, ah, ah’s with every thrust and it’s driving him on more. Every time I call him daddy it feels like I’m going to come.  
“Please let me come Gee, please, please, please, daddy, Ahhh!” I cry as he sets a punishingly fast pace. I’m so close, so fucking close. I’m gasping for air and my heart it throbbing. Just a little more, fuck just a little more. 

“Want your daddy to make you come don’t you baby girl? You’re so fucking good, letting me fuck you like this, spreading your legs, so good for your daddy,” he growls and sparks are flying inside me. His thrusts are getting erratic, the sound of the bed a tempest in my ears. 

“Fuck daddy, please!” I sob. 

“I’m going to cum in you baby. I’m going to fill you so full of me, you’d like that wouldn’t you?” he growls and my stomach clenches. 

“YES! Please, fuck! COME IN ME!” I gasp as I feel myself clenching down on him. His thrusts are shaking me and I start crying out. Daddy, daddy, daddy, DADDY, DADDY! A chant that keeps getting louder and more desperate, each time bringing me closer. 

“DAADDDDYYYYYYYYYYY!” I scream at the top of my lungs as I come violently, my orgasm tearing me apart, wrecking me as he keeps fucking me through it. I sob as I feel him start to come while my own orgasm is still tearing through me. 

“Coming in you baby, FUCK! Such a good girl, take all daddy’s cum!” he shouts as he thrusts into me. 

I can feel him shooting into me, it’s hot, even hotter than his cock and I groan, head falling back onto the pillows. He falls forward a bit, his weight a pleasant pressure over me. I nuzzle into him, whimpering as he kisses me cheek, his arms pulling me close. He doesn’t move to pull out of me, and I like that, keeping my legs wrapped around him, panting. 

“Worth waiting every fucking minute,” he whispers into my ear and I shiver, this better than any dream I’ve ever had.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a little inspired by a song I heard on the radio the other day, and decided to include it in this chapter. In case anyone wants to listen to it, the song is called Guys my Age by Hey Violet. I don't want to spoil anything so I'll just say when the main character mentions a song, she's talking about this one. Feel free to listen to it while you read that part. I did. :3

I slept better that night than I had in a long time. We talked for a while and I fell asleep easily instead of making my eyes heavy with tears until they would finally stay shut. He held me tightly, keeping me snuggled against his pale warm chest on the small twin bed. Comfort and safety, familiarity, things I hadn’t felt for so long, things I didn’t realize I needed. But he gave them to me anyway. I could finally let go, and just sleep. Even when the nightmares came and my eyes shot open, he was right there, holding me tight and soothing me. Kissing me and stroking my back until I quickly fell back to sleep.

So when I woke up to an empty house I was a little surprised. There was no phone number, note, message, or trace of him anywhere in the house. For a minute I wondered if I’d just tripped and imagined the whole thing. But the photo album was lying in the living room when I wandered into the kitchen. And there was a definite dull ache between my legs that told me last night had been very real. I blushed just thinking about it. I was on the pill at least. I hadn’t been too stupid.

He’d just up and left.

My heart dropped and clenched painfully. I decided to just ignore the whole thing and try to get my life going back the way I had it. I checked my phone, surprised to see that both Andy and Pete had texted me. I ignored Pete’s stupid texts asking me what was up, it gave me twisting feelings in my stomach I didn’t want to deal with. Instead I replied to Andy’s missed call. 

“Hey it’s about time you responded. I was about to shine the bat signal above your house.” Andy said after he picked up his phone. I laughed. 

“Yeah, sorry. I just got really fucked up at the party.” I said, picking out the bits of truth as an excuse. It wasn’t like I could say I’d randomly met a mysterious guy from my past and spent the last day letting him fuck me senseless. “I’ve just been sleeping it off, barely left my bed you know? Couldn’t be bothered to find my phone.” 

“Yeah, I was still worrying my ass off about you after my hangover. Next time find your fucking phone or I’m going to storm Chicago until I find you. I’m not going to be happy about it either since I’d probably have my own hangover.” He said and I couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“I’m sorry. You know that isn’t like me.” I said softly, picking at the bed sheets below me. 

“Yeah, which is why I was starting to freak out. What happened to you Friday night?” Andy said.

“Nothing, I just got annihilated, then bored, so I walked home.” I said trying to play it off.

“(f/n),” Andy started, probably about to reprimand me for doing something potentially dangerous. 

“I know, but my house was so close, and no one was on the street anyway.” I said. “Everything is fine now, so there’s no point in talking about it.” Andy sighed once more. 

“Yeah, alright.” He sighed into the phone. “You coming to the bookstore today?”

“No, I’m just going to stay in today.” I said. There was no way I was ready to deal with anyone else yet. I was reeling from the last few days.

“Still on for Wednesday at the comic shop then?” He asked. I opened my mouth then hesitated. I really didn’t feel like I wanted to be around people for a while. I already had classes I had to go to. 

 

“I don’t know. I’ll text you later this week and let you know.” I said. 

“Alright (f/n), you sure you’re alright?” Andy asked. 

“Yes Andy, I’m fine. You can tell Pete so, if he asks. I don’t feel like replying to his texts.” I said.

“Fine. Not talking again? He’s been asking me about you.” I flushed a little, my ego a little inflated by knowing he at least cared that much. 

“Just pissed me off and I don’t feel like dealing with it right now. I’ll talk to you later yeah?” I said. 

“Yeah, alright.” Andy said before we both said our goodbyes and hung up.

I spent the rest of the week trying to be normal. I didn’t hear a thing from Gerard. I went to my classes, worked on my projects, and did my best to keep away from my friends after. I didn’t go with Andy on Wednesday. I ignored Pete’s texts and calls even though I knew it would come to bite me in the ass later. I couldn’t escape the whole week though, I finally agreed to hang out with Andy on Friday instead. I only had a few classes that day, so I hung around the park for a bit until it was time to meet Andy at the bookstore. I was actually looking forward to it. Andy was one of my best friends, and super level headed and dependable. I might even tell him some of what was going on with me…I hadn’t really decided yet. I sighed.

It might make me feel better though. Help me put some of this into perspective. Maybe I’d read it wrong. I was so hungry for feeling loved and wanted…maybe I’d made it out to be more than it was. Maybe he felt responsible for me…attached… but maybe the sex was just that. Kinky, unbelievably hot sex. After all it wasn’t like he’d said anything about a relationship. After that thought I immediately thought back to last night, when he’d told me he didn’t want any other man to touch me. He said he loved me…but there were lots of different kinds of love. Basically I had no fucking clue what our relationship was or what was going on. I sighed again. It was kind of hard to figure it out when I had no way of talking to him. Anger made me clench my jaw for a moment. Stupid Jerk.   
I shook my head, clearing it as the bookstore came into view. I wasn’t going to worry about it. I was going to relax. I’d just hang out, shoot the shit with Andy, buy a few comics, and-

My thoughts stopped in their tracks as the entrance of the bookstore came into view. Andy stood in front of it…with Pete right next to him. My face automatically turned to a scowl. The last person I wanted to see…of course. Pete was the last thing I needed when I was mixed up. I kept going forward anyway, with Andy now walking towards me it was pretty obvious they’d already seen me. Andy got to me first, pulling me into a big hug and lifting me.

“Sorry, couldn’t stop him once he heard I was meeting you.” Andy quickly whispered into my ear. I only let out a low grumble, sighing heavily. 

“Well look who’s still alive,” Pete said sarcastically as he joined us. He pulled me into a headlock before I could get away.

“Like you care,” I grumbled back and he grinned. 

“What, haven’t I been giving you enough attention?” Pete teased back, obviously annoyed with me ignoring him all week. “Don’t you know how much I love you Honey Buns?!” he said and started squeezing the two buns I’d twisted my hair into. It was long, so I wore it like that a lot to keep it out of the way, plus I thought it was cute. I blushed, which only made me angrier. I was always quick to turn red, and he hardly ever did so it felt like a loss every time. 

“Shut up! I told you not to fucking call me that you shit jerk!” I yelled, my volume already rising. “Don’t call me disgusting pet names like we’re a couple or something! It’s so GROSS!”

“But Poopsie! We’re the cutie wootiest couple eve-” he started pulling me close to him. 

“SHUT UP!” I hissed and shoved him away. Before he could grab me again, Andy put his arm over my shoulder. 

“Quiet you two. If you want to fight you can fight later. It’s time for comics.” Andy said leading me into the store.

“Yeah,” I grumbled glaring back at Pete out of the corner of my eye. Pete followed us around, poking at things lazily and a bit disinterested as we went through the thin comic section and into graphic novels. We spent about ten minutes there then Andy went over to check on some paperbacks he was looking for and without thinking I headed to the corner where they kept the manga. 

“So are you going to tell me why you’re so pissed off?” Pete said leaning on the shelf beside me as I touched a title on the book’s spine. Damn it. I’d been so focused on the comics and he’d been so quiet I’d forgotten he was there. I hadn’t thought about him cornering me when we were alone. 

“I’m not pissed,” I grumbled and Pete snorted. 

“Then what was that shit about me not caring outside the store?” He snapped back. I tried to rein in my anger, but it was already making my brow furrow. 

“It’s nothing,” I growled. “I was just pointing out that you didn’t seem to care where I was last Friday when you were getting fucked up and letting HER coil around you is all.” I walked around him, to the far end, hoping to end the conversation. Unfortunately before I could get past him he grabbed my arm pulling me close to him. My face heated and my heart rate quickened. Still I wouldn’t turn to face him. 

“Were you jealous?” He whispered surprisingly close to my ear and I flinched. 

“Shut up, of course I wasn’t. You know how I feel about that bitch. What do you expect me to do when it looks like you’re going to get back together with her? I hardly see you when you’re with her anyway so I don’t get why you’re bugging me about it.” I hissed lowly back. 

“I didn’t get back together with her,” he whispered. I snorted. 

“Yeah, maybe not yet. Give it another week and I’m sure I won’t hear from you for a month.”

“It’s not like that,” 

“Really? So you didn’t sleep with her then? And she’s not texting you again?” 

“No, it’s different this time.” He hissed starting to get mad back. We always butted heads so it didn’t bother me. 

“Oh please, it’s not like you both didn’t disappear for part of the night. I don’t see how it’s any different than the last time.” 

“Because last time you and I hadn’t gotten together,” He said. I went silent, my heart dropping. I finally turned and looked at him. 

“We’ve never been together,” I hissed. 

“We had sex,” he said softly, glaring back at me. “More than once if you remember. I don’t know why you can’t just tell me you felt jealous, it obviously upset you if you’re this uptight about it.” I took a hissing breath in, my anger rising. 

“I told you why I was upset! You ditched me because you’re an asshole, and I know you’re an asshole, so that’s why I wasn’t saying anything! We both agreed before that it was JUST sex, that it wasn’t romantic, and that we weren’t going to fucking talk about it. I’m not one of your sluts, so don’t you dare try to jerk me around and play stupid mind games with me like I am!” I hissed, managing to shout quietly enough so only he could hear me. 

“I wasn’t doing any of that! Besides, I just fucking told you I didn’t get back together with her. So there isn’t any reason why we can’t do stuff still. I think it’s kind of hot that you got jealous.”

“Would you shut up! Look, I don’t regret what we did. We’re best friends and I trusted you. It was nice, and it made me feel better about myself. The times after that…yeah…that probably shouldn’t have happened, and it definitely isn’t going to happen again. I’m not going to be your slutty friend with benefits and you know why because we already talked about it before we did any of this. End of discussion.” I snapped and jerked my arm away, quickly walking away from him. 

“(F/N)!” he hissed, reaching out to grab me again, but I was too fast and quickly made my way to Andy. Pete followed, but had to shut his mouth now that we weren’t alone. None of the boys knew what I did with Pete. We’d agreed to keep it a secret. Even so, Andy was the last person Pete wanted to find out about it. I was like a little sister to Andy. Even if Pete was one of his closest friends…Andy would fucking annihilate him if he found out. Pete had seen Andy in enough fights to keep his mouth shut around him, no matter how pissed off or vindictive he was feeling.

“Sorry,” Andy muttered again when I stood next to him. I just glared unhappily. “It’s like I told you. He kept hounding me until I told him I was meeting you today. Then he just invited himself, there wasn’t anything I could do.”

“You could have warned me,” I growled grumpily. He just grunted and shrugged.

“Then I’d be here by myself,” He said and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Bitch,” I grumbled.

“Jerk,” He muttered numbly. We both laughed after a short pause. Then after a while longer Pete joined us again. 

“You’re coming to the new club with us tonight,” Pete said coming up behind me and crowding me again. I grunted. 

“Why would I want to do that?” I asked. Andy grunted in agreement. Pete only rolled his eyes at us. 

“Because it will be fun. Come on, I’m sorry alright? Let’s just forget about it and have some fun. If you don’t like it we can bail and hang out at the diner.” He said giving my shoulder a squeeze. I sighed, then thought on it for a moment. I was tired of being in the house all by myself. It hadn’t made me feel any better. It was haunting and lonely, and I really didn’t want to go back there and find it empty again. My chest clenched.   
“…….I’ll give it an hour tops, that’s it.” I said turning my head to glare at him seriously. “Thirty minutes if you get on my nerves.” He grinned at me, happy to get what he wanted. Since I was going Andy agreed to come too. We hung around town for a while then went back to Pete’s to play some Nintendo before we headed back down. 

It was a new place, boasting new and alternative music with odd techno sped up remixes. I was thankful for it being winter since the cool air blowing in from the doors kept the small space cramped with bodies from feeling too feverish. I wasn’t a club person, and this still wasn’t exactly something I could say I’d do again, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. The music at least wasn’t so bad, not the same overplayed generic pop crap I always heard, and the fast beat made my body pulse and thrum. Pete made me dance with him like idiots in the darkened room pulsing with lights as we yelled as loud as we could to try to understand each other. Joe joined us, and after a few drinks, even Andy lightened up a little. It was actually kind of fun, in an unnerving out of the ordinary way. I didn’t feel quite so lonely, and Pete was back to his usual goofball self that I loved. Andy and Joe went to get us more drinks while Pete danced enthusiastically with me, spinning me around and lifting me, making both of us laugh. 

“You’ve totally forgiven me!” Pete yelled over the music as he pulled me close, grinning. I rolled my eyes. 

“Don’t ruin it!” I yelled back and he laughed. He pulled me closer so we didn’t have to shout quite as loudly.

“I missed you,” He said into my ear, though I could barely hear him. “I’m sorry I was an asshole. You know I can’t always tell when I’m fucking up. I shouldn’t have ditched you at the party, and I shouldn’t have said that shit to you. I should have at least walked you home.” I blushed. I wasn’t used to him being this sincere and owning up to shit. It made me nervous. I sighed heavily, not knowing what to say.

“It’s fine. It’s just….it was just me…being….me you know? When I feel out of place…I just…retreat.” I said trying to think of what to say. I didn’t want to make the conversation too heavy. I thought again of what happened after the party…on the bridge. He didn’t even know half of it…if he did…I wonder what he would do? Pete squeezed me tighter. He cursed under his breath, though I couldn’t make out what it was.

“I don’t want you to feel out of place,” he said, and my eyes watered because I could tell he meant it. “I want to know when I’m being an asshole and making you feel like that. I just…fuck, sometimes I don’t think (f/n). I don’t know what’s going on if you don’t tell me. Even if we’re fighting and we don’t want to talk to each other, I’ll still want to make sure you’re alright and you get home safe.” He said and I felt a tear slip down my cheek. He gave me a brief squeeze and brushed his thumb over my fingers. I quickly wiped my face, though I doubted he could see in the darkened room. 

“Okay?” he asked tickling me in the ribs and I giggled. 

“Yeah, Okay.” I said laughing, and hugged him. He hugged back then started trying to dance ‘sexy’ for me, or so he said. It was a lot of uncomfortable, unwanted, eye contact, and jerky full body thrusting. It made me laugh so hard I fell on my ass. Things were good. This was fun and for the first time all week I started feeling not so shitty.

Of course that’s when I spotted her coming over to us. I immediately stopped laughing as my mood turned sour and uncomfortable. Pete stopped too when he noticed I was being weird. Then he followed my line of sight. He saw her and she waved, then he turned back to me, uncertain. You know he wants her back. You know it’s going to happen eventually. You know you’ll never be more important to him…no matter what he says. 

“…(f/n),” he said reaching out to me. I smiled taking a step back. 

“It’s fine.” I said laughing. “I’m okay. You should talk to her. I’m gonna go find Andy, probably outside.” 

His mouth twisted and his hands shuffled in his pockets in the nervous way they did when he was uncomfortable and wasn’t sure what to do. I just waved him off and quickly lost myself in the sea of bodies. I wasn’t sure if I completely fooled him. But I figured it was good enough. My smile quickly melted off my face, my usual frown set back in comfortably. Why are you acting like you’re so surprised? Did you really think things were going to be any different? My eyes watered as heaviness started pulling at my chest, weighing it down and making it ache. I blinked back tears and swallowed, my breaths came deep and heavy. I couldn’t let anyone see me like this. Panic was setting in. My depression was swelling up to much to control and keep hidden. Too difficult to act normal. 

Instead I found a corner of the club away from where all of us had been hanging out, where it seemed extra dark and I didn’t think they would see me. No one else saw me either, it was a unique talent I seemed to have, I was as good as wallpaper to these people. For a moment I imagined the conversation they must be having. They’d get snippy quick. Overdramatic and angry. Probably end up fighting and take it outside, the anger would turn to passion and they’d probably fuck in the alley. That’s how it always was with them. I shook it off, trying to think of anything else. What I came up with didn’t make me feel any better. I was thinking about Gerard, how I felt in his arms, our own hot, passionate sex, making me flush and feel empty. I couldn’t help but recall how he’d made my body feel, on fire and electric, wanton and desperate. I shivered, my own hands twitching, dying to slip between my legs and relieve the ache between them. I only chuffed, instead moving my body in time to the music. I tried once, but it had been so far from how his hands made me feel that it seemed like a waste of time.   
I shook my head again. I had to stop thinking about it, about him. That wasn’t doing me any good either. Instead I tried focusing on the music. I made it through the rest of the song, letting my mind melt. I pondered leaving again. I didn’t feel like fighting the sadness anymore. Maybe I could get Andy to take me home, tell him I wasn’t feeling good. Then I could go home, cry it out, go to sleep until I could handle living in my own head again. I’d get through at least one more song. 

Then the next song started, and I felt his hands on me. I don’t know how I knew it was him. There was no logical explanation, I didn’t even look, and he didn’t speak. I just KNEW, my body so sure, it didn’t even startle me or trigger my defenses. There was only a brief moment of realization, then excitement and relief, because it was him and he was here. I didn’t stop dancing. His hands moved over me slowly, encouraging the sensual, slow movement of my hips, my back, my arms. My heart was pounding and my breath came quicker. His arms slid around me and I felt him nuzzle into the crook of my neck. I calmed, the churning waters that had been rising inside me settling. I felt safe, at home…

“I missed you baby girl,” Gerard murmured into my ear and everything else faded into the background. He bit my ear gently, making me shudder. “You have no fucking idea how badly I wanted to see you.” I try to stop myself from shuddering and moaning just from the feeling of his hands on me and the sound of his voice. I just wanted to melt into him. I wanted to be back home, in the bed we shared, making love. It’s what I wanted all week. But I held myself back, trying to hold onto my pride. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked softly, wondering how he always seemed to materialize out of nothing, for a moment considering the possibility he really was just a figment of my imagination. He hummed into my neck, kissing it as his hands on my hips started to slide further down. 

“Watching you dance,” He murmured and kissed further down my neck. “Waiting for my chance to come put my hands all over you.” I couldn’t help but shiver, his words igniting the desire I’d been struggling to quell. I wanted to fuck him. I wasn’t sure if I could hold back for long…if I really even wanted to. I stayed quiet and his hand slipped between my legs as we danced in the dark crowded space. I bit my lip and sucked in a breath. Panic and excitement flared up in me, I was already starting to feel all hot and bothered, probably already getting wet. As the song continued to play I flushed, listening to the lyrics that seemed to fit us too well to be coincidental. I groaned as he stroked my thighs with his rough fingers, hiking my short dress up just a bit. I tried to hold back my groans, trembling as the song heightened what I was feeling, making me crave his hands all over me. The sensuous beat made it impossible to stop swaying my hips. He moved with me, graceful, dominant, fucking sex in a suit. My heart was pounding and I was panting, my hands sliding down his arms to grip at his wrists. I’d never felt as good as I did in his hands. He molded me into something perfect, something bigger than myself. He kept kissing my neck, slow and sensuous, he knew exactly how to touch me, like he could read my every desire on my skin. 

“Gerard,” I sighed as he slowly brought up his face to mine. He was so fucking beautiful. He hushed me gently. 

“No one’s going to notice us babes,” He whispers, his fingers sliding over me teasingly and I gasp. “You missed me too didn’t you? Missed us like this, don’t want to wait anymore. Need you before we go home. Need you right fucking now.” 

I’m gasping and biting my lip and trying to get a hold of myself but I can’t. My hips keep swaying and thrusting into his hand, making his fingers brush my aching cunt, even as my hand grips his wrist and tries to stop him from doing any more damage. When I arch back into him I can feel his erection. It’s wildly arousing to know I can make him this excited without really doing anything. I’m whimpering, and I know it isn’t because I want him to stop. It’s because his hand isn’t nearly enough. I’m nearly to the point of sobbing, begging for him to be inside me, to make me feel like he did the other night, to make me feel whole again instead of broken. And it all terrifies me. His lips press against mine, and I melt into him. One of his hands tangles in my hair and I moan and whimper into his mouth. I feel him chuckle just slightly, but he pulls me close, never breaking our kiss. 

“If you’re a good girl for Daddy I’ll give you what you want baby,” Gerard whispers against my lips and I jolt in his arms. I instantly flush, turning deep scarlet. My cunt pulses with desire, even as my stomach clenches at the forbidden word. It holds more weight here where people could overhear us. Makes me feel like I’m filthy and depraved and everyone could know if they just listened hard enough.   
Two of his fingers slowly wiggle into my tight heat, and I arch up into him, making needy, desperate sounds his lips swallow. The music is still making my head swim. Does he hear it? is he listening to the words, because it’s like my heart is being laid out over the speakers. I want to be all his, more than anything. I can’t seem to find the anger I’d built up all week. All the hurt and frustration having taken a backseat to my lust and need. His mouth is sin, and I don’t think I can ever get enough of it. His hand is moving in me steadily now, a teasing, experienced rhythm making me crave less clothes and more skin on mine. When he finally breaks the kiss he barely pulls back and I can feel his warm minty breath tingle on my neck. His god like golden eyes are watching me lustfully, and I wonder if anyone would notice him taking me against the wall.

“Want you,” he whispers and I shiver, trying to find my brain. “And I want you to say it here. Just once.”

“My friends are here,” I whisper. “I-I can’t- I shouldn’t even be-” He hushes me again. He keeps me close, crowding me and holding my hand, but he stops touching me where I need him most and I make pained noises low in my throat. 

“Just once, I missed your voice so much sugar. I wanna hear the name only you call me. I wanna feel how wet it makes you to say it.” He says and slips one finger back into me. I moan, biting my lip to cut it off. My face is still red, I’m so embarrassed, but even still, I want him so badly. I feel so empty.

 

“Please,” I whimper, asking him to have mercy on me, but he only shakes his head and kisses my neck

 

“Just once babes,” He promises. “I just want to hear it once, then I’ll fuck you like my good little girl.” I suck in a sobbing breath, looking around at all the other people in the room. It’s stuffy, and so hard to breathe, and I just want him so bad. I’m a bad girl. I’m horny and vulgar and twisted. No one knows. I don’t want other people to know. I don’t want them to see me. Gerard kisses my jaw and I shiver again, stilling as realization washes over me. He knows. He sees right through me, into everything I am. He sees who I really am past all my defenses. He sees it all and he likes it. I shiver again, my blood heating and sizzling. I’m shaking, all worked up and nervous, but he holds me steady in his arms. My lips are trembling as I struggle to let out one little word. The first time I try only air comes out in a soft cry. He kisses me more, teasing me slowly with the hand between my legs. 

“Daddy,” I try to whisper but it comes out in a broken sob. I can feel myself clench around his fingers when I say it. “Please Daddy, please fuck me.” I almost start sobbing, I’m so embarrassed and aroused and confused. I just need him to make it all better.   
He shushes and coos at me, turning me to press sweet kisses all over my face. He’s calling me a good girl, and praising me, and I feel good even though I can barely hear it past my own heart beating in my ears. He’s not just soothing me for now, but also for being without him all week. He’s kissing away my loneliness and it only makes me want to cry more. He wipes the few tears that slipped out and hushes me until I’m quiet. Then we’re moving and he’s leading me past sweaty bodies and dark corners. And I’m not scared, I’m excited, beyond belief. I know we’re going to have sex. I bite my lip, chest heaving as I hold back a starved sob. This is what I want. I can figure it all out later. He holds my hand, intertwining our arms to keep me close, pressed against his side. There’s a slight breeze caused by our hasty strides and I clench as I feel it on my dripping sex. I bite my lip, wanting him inside me so bad I could start sobbing. I might. I don’t fucking care. He leads me into a small room, I’m not sure what exactly it’s for, it seems like a large broom closet or pantry, but there aren’t any brooms, but I notice a lot of coats. Gerard locks the doors behind us, all the while looking at me with wild and lustful golden eyes. The shut door muffles some of the loud music, but it’s still easily heard in the small room and makes me feel safe and secure. No one should hear us outside even if I scream. He moves me to the far wall, kissing me hot and briefly. 

“Pannies off,” he growls at me softly in his thick Jersey accent and I shiver. It’s an order, not a request, and I’m already wiggling them off my ass. He doesn’t take his eyes off me as he undoes his belt and his fly, his movements precise and sure. It makes my stomach quiver and I take in air sharply as he closes the space between us. My panties drop to the floor as I shudder. He lifts me up, sliding me up the wall, lips pressing hotly against mine. I moan and a moment later I can feel his hard cock pressing against my entrance. His eyes bore into mine as he slowly lets me sink down onto him. I’m already sighing and moaning at the sensation of finally having him inside me again, but before I can savor it he starts pounding into me. 

 

“Gerard!” I gasp and I can feel him shudder, pulling my legs tighter around his waist. Each hard thrust makes me cry out. I can’t take it, it feels too good. I’ve been craving him inside me all week and to finally feel him relentlessly fucking me is euphoric. He won’t stop looking at me, his eyes are sharp and hypnotic, making me feel trapped. I didn’t know he was this strong. My feet can’t touch the floor, my thighs are hooked around his hips, squeezing and trembling. It’s both unnerving and exciting to have him pinning me against the wall. I’ve never had sex like this. He’s in complete control of me, pistoning eagerly between my legs, each thrust rocking me up against the wall. I let my head lean back against it, arching and twisting my fingers in his hair. Gerard groans loudly.

 

“That’s it baby girl. Fuck! You feel so good around my cock. Sing louder for me sugar. I fucking love the way you moan.” Gerard growls in my ear before his mouth slides down to bite at my neck. I can’t stop anyway, I think I’m making more noise than I ever have. Sighs and gasps are pushed out of with every strong thrust. The music is pulsing in my ears but I can still hear his groans and grunts, they sound so dirty and primal and it makes me want to scream. My whole body is a livewire pulsing down to my sex. I’m not going to last much longer. I can already feel myself clenching, orgasm getting closer and closer without letting up. All I can do is cling to him and try to thrust back. The fact that we both still had our clothes on only made me hornier, knowing neither of us could wait, fucking passionately in the first empty room we found. Gerard groaned loudly again, putting more force into his thrusts, knocking us against the wall. 

 

“Daddy missed you baby,” He groaned loudly. “Kept thinking about you when I was gone. Kept remembering how it felt to fuck you in your little bed, how fucking sexy you looked. Came thinking about you.”

 

I let out a gasp, his words sending another strong wave of arousal to my core. He touched himself. He got off to thinking about me just like I tried doing thinking about him. My eyes shut in rapture, only trying to feel him inside me. God I missed this. I wasn’t sure if I could live without it now. I sobbed, tears streaming down my face. For once it wasn’t from sadness, just trying to hold back my orgasm, trying to revel in the long put off feeling of us together. I barely even heard the strange noise, I figured it was us knocking something over. That wouldn’t have been surprising. 

 

“(f/n)?!” Someone exclaimed from the door. I jumped, my eyes snapping open as I looked past Gerard. Pete stood in the doorway looking confused and angry. My heart lurched and I trembled, flushing, though I was already so red it probably didn’t make a difference. I clutched at Gerard, my nails sinking into his skin. 

“P-Pete,” I managed to whimper out. 

“(f/n) is he-“ Pete started but Gerard cut him off. 

“It’s consensual if that’s what you’re asking.” Gerard said barely turning his head to look at Pete with an amused look on his face. It made me shiver and he kissed my shoulder to soothe me. Then I squealed as he gave a slow powerful thrust into me. My face heated again, my body loving and craving the feeling of Gerard’s hard cock filling me and hitting all the right places, but the shock of knowing Pete was watching made me feel embarrassed along with odd emotions I wasn’t used to feeling. I bit my lip as again, Gerard gave a slow, tortuous thrust. Tears sprung back to my eyes as I tried to hold back my cries of pleasure. Pete shouldn’t be seeing this. I didn’t want him to see me moaning like a bitch in heat while some older strange man fucked me ruthlessly against the wall. Still my cunt clenched and the odd feeling of shameful pleasure burned through me. 

 

“STOP!” Pete cried, taking two steps into the room, shutting the door behind him instinctually. He was about to say something else when Gerard cut him off again, laughing, stopping him in his tracks. 

 

“Mmmm, this is the boy you let fuck you isn’t it baby girl?” He said, never ceasing his slow, powerful thrusts. Pete glared, his face contorting into a snarl. I opened my mouth, but I could only look away from both of them. I wanted to tell Gerard to stop, to try and explain what was going on, but I couldn’t. I wanted to come, I wanted it so bad and I never wanted to feel him slip out of me again. 

 

“Look at how he watches you. Like he thinks he should be the one between your legs right now.” Gerard says and Pete flushes. “Still wants you honey, I can understand, being inside you is pretty addicting.” Gerard fucks me a little faster at that and I can’t help but cry out wantonly, arching into him. Pete’s fists clench and I can see him shaking, but it’s clear he isn’t sure what he should do either. Gerard is in complete control here, it’s fucking thrilling and scary at the same time. At least now I know he’s really real, not just me losing my mind. 

 

“He looks so angry, but I bet he’s getting hard watching you. You do look so pretty getting fucked, and you cry out so perfect.” He said slipping one hand between us to rub at my clit and I gasped, crying out and moaning without control. Pete jolted and tensed, flushing more. Was Gerard really right? Did Pete like me more than I thought he did? I wasn’t sure, but my cunt was pulsing again, I was so aroused, so close, I know Gerard could feel it. 

“But it’s too late now sugar, cuz you’re all mine, body and soul.” Gerard said and kissed me passionately. I can’t help but whimper into his mouth returning the kiss and Pete takes an angry step back towards the door. “Now he’s not going to be able to stop picturing you like this, pinned up against the wall, getting fucked ruthlessly, moaning and whimpering like you need the cock in you to survive. He’ll picture it later, when he’s by himself….or maybe he’ll even get another girl. And he’ll fuck her just like this, fast and angry, and he wont be able to stop picturing your face. He’ll probably call your name when he comes.” Gerard said laughing, and it felt like he was casting a spell over both of us. Then Gerard finally started fucking me as fast as he was before and I nearly screamed from the sensation. Pete’s head snapped back up to me, transfixed and I had to look away. But I couldn’t hold on, pleasure was thrumming through me and I couldn’t hold back anymore. Gerard bit my shoulder harshly and I couldn’t take it. 

 

“Gerard!” I cried gasping as my orgasm washed over me shamefully. He groaned, fucking me though it and coming inside me. I whimpered as I felt him filling me up so lewdly. Gerard chuckled kissing my face, then finally turned to look directly at Pete. Pete jolted, face twisting up.

 

“And the sad part is when you picture her coming, all you’re going to hear is my name.” He said, his hand caressing the back of my neck, thumb rubbing soothing circles on my jaw. Pete jolted again, then finally stormed away, slamming the door. Gerard laughed more, leaning back into my neck and kissing it, hands trailing down my back. I panted, clinging close to him. 

 

“Y-you shouldn’t have done that,” I whispered. “You know there isn’t anything between Pete and me, we’re just friends.” Gerard chuckle at me again. 

 

“My sweet girl, no man that’s been inside you wants to be just friends.” He whispered warmly to me. “He’s been panting over you all night, trying to find a way back into your bed, or haven’t you noticed?” I blushed, looking away, my insecurities trying to come back up and tell him how wrong he was. But he shushed me soothingly. “Everything I said was the truth baby girl. I have no intentions of giving you up to him. You’re mine, only mine. And I intend to keep it that way.” I flushed, feeling loved and wanted, my heart and eyes swelling up. 

 

“Besides,” He whispers after kissing my breathless again. “I think you enjoyed being watched.” I chuff and he laughs softly at me, then captures my mouth again. “Home now?” He whispers, but I’m still pressed against the wall, him still inside me, still making me shudder. 

“One more song,” I say tiredly, and he lets out a soft laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys have been waiting for another chapter of this one for a while, so sorry for the wait! Hopefully this chapter didn't disappoint. Thank you for all the kudos and nice comments as always! Remember the more I get on each new chapter, the more I feel inspired to write on it. Also this is about as far as I thought this story through, so if you have any suggestions of what you'd like to see tell me! Feel free to leave me some comments, even if they're super short! X/ It keeps me going!
> 
> Till next time,
> 
> Batty :3


	5. Chapter 5

We came out of the closet and Gerard took me down the darkened hall instead of back onto the dance floor. I glanced out as we walked but I couldn’t see Pete anywhere. Luckily I didn’t see any of the other boys either. I was too worried to have my friends see me. The thought sunk in, feeling heavy in my bones and I couldn’t help but frown deeply. I was finally beginning to get my head straight. The whole week had felt strange and off. I hadn’t been able to find some normalcy and now it was like I was finally starting to sober up. And I was pissed. I could feel anger rising in my chest, making my breaths come quick and harsh. I bit my lip and contained my growl though. I would wait. This was no place to blow up. I would wait till I was safe and secluded with him, a ticking time bomb. 

 

“Wait here for me, I’ll only be a minute,” Gerard said softly and kissed my head before slipping past one of the doors. 

 

Instead of exploding, I made use of my time by texting Andy and telling him that Pete and I had a little spat and I left with a friend. After a few minutes he replied back asking me if I just wanted him to come over but I told him no. So at least Pete hadn’t run right over to them and told them what had happened. I could think of what to tell them later….but Pete…Fuck I had no clue what I was going to say to Pete. I clenched my fists by my side. That had been anything but good. We fought constantly, annoyed the crap out of each other, but we were best friends…we were best friends…now I wasn’t sure what the fuck was going to happen. It wasn’t like I’d even done anything wrong. Pete and I weren’t together that way. All I’d done was get horny and fuck someone. He shouldn’t have even interrupted. So maybe I should have made Gerard stop, my brain was too occupied with other things to think at the time. Lesson learned for next time. I put it out of my head. 

 

Gerard came back after a few minutes, not long enough to make me much madder, then led me outside. My eyebrows raised a bit when he took me to a very nice new black luxury car. I wouldn’t have known the make, even if I could see it in the dim light, but it was easy to tell it was expensive. More and more questions started buzzing around in my head. Questions I needed answers to if this was going to continue…whatever this was…He opened the door for me, like a gentleman, and helped me in. I tried not to let it get to me. I remained quiet, seething in my seat, trying to run over what to say in my head. But it all just started to run together in an angry blur. 

 

“Are you tired baby girl?” Gerard asked, finally saying something about how oddly quiet I was. 

 

I bit my lip, keeping my mouth shut and just shrugged my shoulders. I chose not to open my mouth and stared out the window instead. His large hand slid over my shoulder, and tenderly rubbed the part of my back that was turned towards him. I chased down the rush of affection I felt from the gesture with anger. I didn’t want to feel that way right now. I didn’t want to feel anything until I knew what this fucking was. Until he tells me the fucking truth and then I choose what I want. It was hard to ignore how good, and disturbingly whole his touch made me feel. Thinking about how I felt waking up alone the morning after he fucked me for the first time helped. Yeah some forced perspective. Still I felt the shivers that ran through me when his hand ghosted down my arm to lace his fingers through mine. I sighed softly, choosing to ignore it. I didn’t want to let go until we were home. If I flicked him away now he’d probably realize what was happening and press it. I didn’t want to fight on the side of the road, no, I wouldn’t be confident there, I’d be too nervous. Home was safe, MY territory. Somewhere I could kick him out of if I wanted. 

We finally got there and I was out of the car as soon as it was stopped. I walked quickly to the front, fishing out my key as I went and opened the door. He was right behind me, I could hear him shut it and relock it. I made it five steps, barely entering the living room, each one shaking with my now unconcealed anger. I felt it finally snap when his arms wrapped around me, like I was his little china doll and he owned me, like he’d come play whenever he wanted. 

 

“(f/n) baby, are you Okay? Did you drink again suga-” He started but cut himself off when I turned and shoved him away from me. My chest heaved with my enraged breaths, reminding me of the fights I used to have with my mother. I’d never been that mad at another person before. He was about to say something else, taking a step toward me.

“NO I’M NOT O-FUCKING-KAY!” I screamed at him. He twitched slightly, drawing back the slightest bit, face gone confused and serious. I was shaking. I half crossed my arms, cradling myself, shielding myself. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

“(f/n),” he murmured softly, one of his hands reaching out to me. 

“NO! DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME.” I said taking another step back. “What the fuck was all that huh?! What you think you can just step into my life and own me now that my mom’s gone? You think since she’s not here to control me you can?! You think you can just come into my life and fuck me however you want, whenever you want, is that fucking it?! Is it, you FUCKING ASSHOLE?!” I said slapping his hand back when it twitched forward again. 

 

“Baby girl of course I don’t! I-” He said following me as I stepped back into the living room. 

 

“Oh, really? You don’t?” I said letting my voice get mockingly sweet. “You think I’m stupid enough to believe that bullshit? You think I can’t take the hint when you disappear right after I let you have what you want? You think pretty words are enough to keep me waiting here with my legs spread whenever you feel like coming over?” I yelled. His face contorted, getting angry. 

 

“OF COURSE IT’S NOT!” He yelled, and I was a little startled. But I wouldn’t back down. “You KNOW that’s not what this is. I told you what we were to each other, how I feel about you now! How could you think-” 

 

“HOW COULD YOU FUCK ME AND LEAVE ME ALL ALONE BEFORE I EVEN FUCKING WOKE UP!” I screamed, I could hear my voice ring through the house. I was loud when I wanted to be. In fact when I wasn’t mumbling I was screaming. His mouth hung open slightly as my words hung in the air around us. Sinking in. “How could you just come into my life, uproot everything, make me feel….whatever this is, make me want you, make me sleep with you, give myself to you, then disappear? Huh? Not a note, a number, fucking email? Nothing. Making me lose my mind for a whole week!” I said my chest was shaking and I noted that I could feel beads of wetness rolling down my cheeks. Why did I have to be an angry crier? He takes another step closer and I start slapping and beating against his chest. My throat was thick and the words scratched on the way out, but I persisted. “Then you finally show up, and you fuck me in a closet, in front of my friend, humiliate me, fucking claim me in front of him! How do you expect me to think anything else!” I’m almost sobbing when I finish. My eyes are blurry, and I have to keep swallowing the ball of rage in my throat. 

 

“I didn’t want to leave you! It wasn’t my choice, I didn’t have one! You have to believe me.” He said and I jolted when I could hear thickness in his own throat, making it dark and raspy. His eyes glimmered just faintly, like he was actually upset by my distress. 

 

“Why did you have to leave?” I snapped. Maybe there was a reason, maybe he’s telling the truth. I shook it away. I couldn’t afford to be gullible. He opened his mouth, then closed it looking at the ground. 

 

“(f/n)…..it’s….you know I can’t tell you about that part of my life…I don’t want you anywhere near it…I want you safe…” he said and I bit my lip. 

 

“Well that’s awfully convenient isn’t it?” I asked and he looked back up at me. “So you have some bull excuse to avoid me whenever you want? To che-” I started but then stopped myself. We weren’t together. We’d never actually said we were in a relationship. “To be with other women without me knowing.” 

 

He looked back up at that, face contorting in anger again. 

 

“I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON YOU.” He growled. 

 

“How could you? It’s not like we ever said we were together. Why wouldn’t you be with someone else-” I said but then I was cut off. 

 

“BECAUSE I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE!” He yelled and advanced, grabbing my arms and pulling me close to him. I fought to shove back. His amber eyes blazed into mine, hot and angry, passionate. “I’ve told you, you’re all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t need some random cunt. I’M ONLY PROTECTING YOU!” 

 

“Then why did you leave like that?” I growled back. Silence followed. His face contorted, mouth twitching. More silence as we watched and seethed at each other. 

 

“I left because there was an emergency back home…one that I had to take care of…right then. For….peoples safety….your safety. I didn’t want to leave you. You don’t understand how hard it was for me to leave you after I’d just gotten you back. How badly I wanted to stay in that bed and hold you. But it was to make sure you were safe. I didn’t have time…and it wasn’t safe for me to contact you. I didn’t have time to talk either. All week….all fucking week I’ve been covering my ass, getting everyone’s shit storm in order as fast as possible so I could come back to you. See you, hear your voice. I didn’t mean to make this hard on you. I wish I’d done it better. But I guarantee you, being apart from you was just as hard on me.” He said and took my face into his hands. They were large and rough, warm…and so, so gentle. Tears welled in my eyes again as I felt them tremble. “I did what I had to do to protect you. I will always do that. I’m sorry that it hurt you babes, I love you so much.” He whispered, leaning in and resting our foreheads together. My lip trembled. I tried to find a lie, some insincerity, but I couldn’t. 

 

“It was all so rushed, I hadn’t planned for it to happen like that…I…after all I told you I didn’t think you’d have to question our relationship. I thought you would understand that we belong together…” he said and I trembled. There he went again, making me feel loved beyond compare. Making me question if any of this was real. It became silent again. Both of us panted, waiting for me to speak. I could forgive him, but then what? What was this? What was going to happen? More sex and another vanishing act? More secrets, just like when I was a kid? What if we ended up having a kid? Would he be just like my father was to them?

 

“So what are you trying to say? That you want a relationship with me?” I asked. He nodded his head slightly. He kissed my face. 

 

“Yes….I want us to be together from now on.” He murmured against the corner of my mouth. I tried not to think about how final this sounded.

 

“And you want to do that while keeping me in the dark about what you do…really every single personal thing about your life.” I said. He stopped tensing a bit again. He was about to speak, but I needed to get the rest out. “You’re really serious about having a relationship with me…a long one…with….i mean like potentially…” I said too embarrassed to use words like marriage or kids. 

 

“Yes.” He said without hesitation. “Of course I do. (f/n), you’re the only one I want…for the rest of my life.” My heart lurched again. There he was, offering me more than I could have ever hoped for again. 

“Then I need you to tell me what’s going on, what it is you do. I can’t deal with this keeping me in the dark shit. I barely made it though one week of it. I’m just barely starting to understand my feelings for you, they’re only getting stronger and more complicated. If one week of this already made me lose my mind I don’t even want to think about what would happen later. How the hell am I supposed to function when you’re my everything Gerard? To have to sit here and wait, wondering what you’re doing, if you’ll ever come back? I didn’t even have a father because of shit like that. I had to watch my mom live a lonely life. ” I said. 

He sighed, looking away and rubbing his face before tugging back his hair. 

 

“Baby girl…I-I can’t. I don’t have a fucking desk job. You don’t want to hear about what I have to do sugar. For you to know anything is dangerous. It’s-” He said trying to get out of it again. My eyes started tearing up again. 

 

“Fine,” I murmured coldly and walked back to the front door. 

“(f/n), what are you-“ Gerard started but I cut him off. I picked up my bat by the door, swinging it over my shoulder. 

“Then get out,” I whispered. 

“What?!” he snapped. 

 

“I said get out. If you’re not going to be honest and trust me then I don’t want to get any more involved than I already am. My whole life I was lied to and pushed away, controlled and told what to do. I told you I don’t fucking want that. I’m strong enough to take it, but you can’t seem to realize that. So get out and don’t come back.” I growled. 

He stood in front of me, eyes hot and angry, tall body tensed, but I could see the tears in his eyes, his limbs shaking. I gripped the bat tighter, trying to stop my own from doing the same thing. Half of me screamed to slam the door closed and lock it. He was the best thing to ever come into my life. I felt like I needed him like I knew I needed air. The thought of losing that, never seeing him again made me want to break into screaming sobs. Instead I held it in and watched him. His mouth moved without sound for a few moments. 

 

“(f/n)….” He licked his lips. “Baby girl…you know I can’t do that.” He said but his voice was soft, but cracked and high, pleading. This was hurting him just like it was hurting me. But if I didn’t do this now….it would only happen again later, more painfully. I might survive the choice now, but I knew later I would not. It was the only chance I had. 

 

“You can. Nothing is stopping you except your ego and some idiot idea that keeping me in the dark will keep me safe. You think if your enemies get to me my ignorance will form a shield? Or maybe the police? What could they care? The only thing you’d save would be yourself and whatever it is you do.” I said, though my voice trembled with emotion. His fists clenched again. 

 

“I-I can’t take a chance….you…baby girl if anything ever happened to you…” he began his voice still wrecked. I could hear the love and desperation in it and it tore me apart. 

 

“I’m not made of glass Gerard! It’s life, I’m in danger all the time. It’s scary shit, I get it. But it isn’t like it’s new right? I was fucking born into whatever it is no one will fucking tell me. I’m not afraid of dying Gerard….I’m afraid of losing the people I love.” I was quiet for a minute and he gazed back at me, eyes sad and longing, thinking. “I’ve felt enough pain…..you didn’t stumble into a happy life Gee…you saw what I was ready for yourself…” I murmured and he jolted as if I’d struck him, probably recalling the night on the bridge, the one he’d spanked me for. “Even if something were to happen, it wouldn’t be your fault. I-I want to be with you. You make me feel….I can’t even find words for it. Loved, whole, things I’d never felt before, things I didn’t even know I could have. Even if I only get another year with you it’s so much better than what will happen if you choose to walk out this door.” I said, my voice no longer steady but pitifully broken by gasps and sobs. Tears stream heavily down my face and I flinch as I see him quickly stride towards me. I gasp as I’m taken into strong arms, trembling arms, stroking over my hair. I can only sob more as I melt against him, dropping the bat. He pulls me closer, burring his face into the side of my neck. 

 

“Alright,” he whispers and I freeze. 

“Alright,” he whispers, voice getting a little stronger and I let out a sob, relief flooding through me. “Alright, honesty, I’ll tell you everything babes. Now shut the fucking door, there was no way I was ever going to walk out of it anyway.” He hissed, angry still that I would ever try to separate us.

 

He shut it though, I was too busy clinging to him. We walked back into the living room and he had me sit on the table in front of the chair he sat in. Our knees touched and he held my hand as if he was afraid to let me go, but giving me the option anyway. This way I was a little taller than him and I felt a little bit braver, more in control. He still shook slightly, as if he was still nervous I would try to end thing between us. He took a steadying breath. 

 

“It started with your father,” he said, his voice was low but solid. “He inherited the family business from his father when he was younger, before you came along. He didn’t like it, the way it was run. Too much backstabbing, violence, and using. A crime syndicate’s son born with a golden conscience, my father always teased him for that.” Gerard said laughing. My eyes widened a bit as he so calmly stated what I’d suspected from the beginning. Though hearing it for real was entirely different. I wasn’t from a little white suburban family. I had fucking mafia blood. 

“He said if we called it a family it should feel like a family. More profit and less manslaughter in dark alleyways. His pops was a dark old man. Old world eye for an eye shit, except if someone took one of his he’d take both….but your father changed everything. He tried running it the way he was taught to for a while. But it always ate him up inside. But then he found out you were gonna come along. He cut ties from the other figureheads. Broke apart his father’s entire empire. They weren’t prepared for the backlash. They scrambled and he took advantage. Covertly bought shit from under them, using everyone that stuck with him to take a piece, make it look like it wasn’t coming from a united front on purpose. It was a risky move, but it wiped out almost half the crime in our part of Jersey. After that he made a deal with some higher ups in the law. They overlooked a lot of our numbers in our books, some trading we did, lost some tax files. In exchange we were able to stay out of the mafia families games, and started helping clean out the rats instead. Our group could do a lot of good that the force couldn’t. We started doing things that left the law’s hands tied. Still getting our hands dirty…but for good this time.” Gerard explained. My mind blanked as I tried to wrap my head around it. 

“So, my father turned a fucking mafia family into…what….an underground mercenary task force?”I said tilting my head to the side and made Gerard smile warmly. One of his large hands tenderly stroked my cheek and I couldn’t help but lean into it. 

 

“Yeah, something like that.” He laughed. I bit my lip, contemplating again. 

 

“And you grew up and became part of this task for Mafia?” I asked. Gerard laughed lowly again. 

 

“Yes,” he said, palms smoothing down my neck. 

“Then….I mean…what happened to him?” I asked. Gerard’s smile faltered and he looked down, staring through my collar bone. 

“A son from one of the other fallen families found out some of what he had done. Knew he had effectively torn down his empire, blamed him for everything. And sometimes that’s all it takes babes. One grudge and a gun. The only lucky part was he thought it had just been your father. He didn’t realize he’d started a whole new family that ran this way. So suspicion died with him. it helped us in the long run. Harder to find something you don’t know to look for.” He said. I felt a little sadness for my father, the man I’d never knew. I’d always assumed he’d been a bad man. I hadn’t known him, hadn’t know him to be good to me. I hadn’t known how much he’d done. For everyone that worked with him, sacrificed himself to change so many lies. It was hard not to admire him for at least that. 

“So then…who’s in charge now? Did one of your fathers take over?” I asked. I imagined when my mom took us and ran there wasn’t much hope for me stepping up to take his place. It wouldn’t have stayed in the family. Gerard was quiet for a few long moments and a sinking feeling sunk into my chest. 

 

“My father took over for a while, he was really close to yours so your dad left it to him.” Gerard said then was quiet again. But I did not miss the hint that this was past tense. 

“……what happened?” I asked softly 

“He passed almost three years ago from a stroke triggered from a heart attack.” Gerard said softly. He still hadn’t met my eyes. 

“Who’s the boss now then?” I asked softly, dreading the answer. Gerard was silent as he stroked my fingers sitting in my lap. “Gerard?” I asked and after a minute more he looked up at me. His eyes still wouldn’t look at me. My heart pounded. “Gee,” I whispered. “You’re still in it…so who…..

“I am,” He whispered and after a few moments of silence met my eyes. I swallowed, taking in another thing that I’d always suspected could be true. Gerard was a fucking mob boss. Not just that no, but a weird underground task force mob. Holy shit. I’d fucked a mob leader and called him fucking daddy. How the hell could I have seen that fucking coming. 

 

“I-I…..but…then I mean…what are you doing out here? Don’t they need you?” I asked. 

 

“I found you,” he whispered staring into my eyes and I trembled. “Nothing means more to me than you. I wasn’t going to stay this long. I hadn’t been ready for you yet. But then you needed me. I’d planned to have more time with you, move a little slower than we did. I’m sorry if I hurt you babes.” He said. 

“How did you find me? And why did you even bother. I was just some kid you used to know.” I asked, focusing on my other questions while I tried to absorb suddenly being neck deep in Jersey crime syndicates. He continued to caress my hands, taking special care with my black painted fingers. It felt nice, making warm squishy feelings pool in my chest. 

 

“Marie sent us a few photos over the years. I was always thinking about you, and in my head, I got to see you grow up into a woman. She sent the last one almost a year ago, my little babes, all grown up and the most gorgeous thing I’d ever seen. But you looked so sad and lonely even though you were smiling. I needed to find you, make everything okay for you. With our deal we have a lot of access to files, codes and systems the police use to find people…..a few months ago when your mom was admitted to the hospital her information ran through. Once I knew where to look finding the two of you wasn’t so hard.” He said softly. I just waited for him to continue. “That night, when I took you home…I’d just wanted to see you. I’d known where you lived, went to school, I was here on business. I hadn’t gotten to see you yet. I saw from one of your friend’s facebook pages that you were at that party. So I just went to catch a glimpse of you…then you started walking home alone and I got worried. I followed you so you would be safe. I’m so glad that I did.” He said. 

 

The logical part of my brain contemplated if he had been stalking me. For some reason though it didn’t seem like an unhealthy thing. He was looking out for me. Always trying to protect me. Instead it made me flush, feeling important and precious again. Like somehow I was worth this amazing, albeit dangerous, mans affection. I was starting to fall under his spell again. I wanted to badly to climb back into his lap, to kiss and have him hold me, have his fingers back in my hair. I already wanted him inside me again. I bit my lip, hoping that it wouldn’t look so obvious how much I wanted him. I had to focus. This was us putting it all on the table. I had so many questions this week. I can’t give in until I ask them all. I took in a deep breath before letting out a sigh. 

“How did you find me tonight?” I asked. I kind of expected the same answer. It was a pretty convenient one. 

“I was already there working when you came,” he said. He sat in front of me in the chair perfectly calm. In fact his smile was warmer than I’d seen it before. Suddenly I remembered him knowing his way around the club, and slipping into a back room. 

 

“Working…you mean…”

 

“It’s one of the family’s investments. We own a lot of different businesses, spread out sparsely, it’s harder to connect the dots that way. So when I found out you were in Chicago I thought it would benefit to start up a new club here.” He said. I flushed, thinking that I not only fucked the owner in his own club, but was also pretty much the reason it was built. “It was the last thing I had to check up on before I could see you. I came right after the plane landed. I was pleasantly surprised to see you there…though a little bit jealous of all the boys watching you.” He said. I blushed a little. But then what happened with Pete came rushing back my mind. 

 

“So that shit you pulled in front of my friend, that was because you were jealous?” I asked, sarcasm kicking into my system. He was quiet for a few moments, studying me cautiously, probably realizing my temper was flaring again. 

 

“It….was part of it.” he admitted. “I thought it would make it clear to everyone who’s you were.” He didn’t really seem fazed by it at all. Anger started rising up in me again. My face contorted into a scowl and one of his eyebrows raised. 

 

“You think I appreciate you saying you own me?” I growl, trying to keep from screaming. “Do you have any idea just what you did?!” He looked at me, the hint of confusion on his face, mouth opening, but no sound came out as it he thought better of it.

 

“Pete’s one of my best friends, or maybe was my friend now thanks to you.” I hissed. “You did it on purpose, left the door open for him, didn’t you? What were you thinking?!”

 

“I was thinking that I was fucking tired of watching the only other man that’s ever slept with you touching you like he thought you were his! And it didn’t seem like you wanted me to stop when I made you cum. You didn’t tell me to stop.” Gerard snapped back, jealousy making his handsome face twist. 

 

“Is that the only thing you thought about? How it would make you feel? You didn’t even think about what could happen to me after!” I said, my voice getting shrill with emotion again as I tried to hold back tears. His face immediately softened to concern, hand gripping under my knee. “I didn’t say no, I was too shocked but I wish I had! I wish I’d never gone in there with you! Do you know how embarrassing it’s going to be seeing him again, and what if he tells all the other boys? What if he tells everyone? Worst case scenario I could lose all my friends and get harassed at school.”

 

I put my head in my hands as I tried to get myself together. I was starting to lose it. I sniffed, trying to hold it back. I heard Gerard move in the chair and then I felt him kneeling in front of me. His arms wrapped around my back loosely and his head rested on my knee. 

 

“I’m sorry (f/n),” he whispered and I could tell that he meant it. “I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking about that. I should have been….i always want to put you first…I just…I was losing my mind seeing you together. Knowing that he was…” Gerard’s voice became strained, cracked and pain filled and I felt tears slip by against my will. “That he was the one you gave your virginity to.”

 

He was quiet after that, his chest heaving, as if he couldn’t bear to say anymore. He’d mentioned it before…but played it off. I’d bothered him so much more than he’d let on. I bit my lip. I couldn’t help but see it from his side. The woman he loved so much…giving it to someone else…and being around him all the time…it didn’t help that Pete was suggesting that we should do it again. A guy more my age…one that would make more sense for me to be with…I let out a small sob. Of course Gerard would get upset. It had probably been driving him crazy. He was threatened.

“I-I’m sorry Gee,” I whispered through tears. “It…was different with Pete…it wasn’t like we did it because we were in love or anything. We’re not even into each other that way…it was just… I had no idea you even existed. I thought I was never going to be in love with anyone. I was lonely and desperate, and I trusted Pete. I just wanted to know what it was like to feel like I was loved…or at least desired for one night. I never wanted a relationship with him. It’s not even comparable to what I feel…what I have with you.”

 

With that he finally looked back up at me, eyes brimming with tears, face scrunched. He rose to his feet and captured my lips and I moaned as they melded together so perfectly. I trembled, empowered and in awe of how I could affect such a powerful, almost frightening, full grown man. How much must he have loved me to really tell me all of this? Be vulnerable with me this way. I sobbed again, emotions squeezing my chest. Our lips broke apart and I gasped, taking a much needed breath. He immediately started pressing kisses to my face. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “If anything happens, I’ll make it right. I promise you. I’ll think next time, I won’t let my jealousy get the best of me. I’ll make sure it won’t hurt you. I just…I wanted you to see everything I could give you that he couldn’t. He’d been able to be friends with you when I couldn’t…probably knew you better than I did at the moment…I…the only thing I thought I could do to make you want me…to make sure you would stay with me was to fuel your lust. To give and show you pleasure you didn’t even know about yet.” 

 

“You mean….being so dominant…all of the…the daddy stuff was to make me want to stay with you? It wasn’t just some kink you had that I fit?” I asked. He nodded. 

 

“I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of it before...but when you called me daddy on the bridge, it felt like a good idea. I thought that I could show you something you didn’t even know about yourself, something only I could give you, that only I could make you feel….make you need it…make you need me.” He said. My heart fluttered. He loved me, loved me more than I’d ever seen anyone love another person. I bit my lip, but couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down. I wasn’t being used or toyed with. He wasn’t just going to disappear from my life. It was still so new, different, But this was what I wanted. I’d been to scared to ask before. A good part of me really didn’t believe that what was happening was real. But…I touched his face and he leaned into my palm….he was. And I was so glad I’d finally snapped out of it and got all the answers I’d needed. 

 

“Do you still want me baby girl?” He asked softly. I didn’t fail to notice that he used that nickname on me on purpose. Trying to remind me of our bond…our special little kink we shared. It made heat pool in my stomach. 

 

“Yes,” I whimpered. “Of course I do Gee.” 

Then his mouth was back on mine. He kissed me silly until I was aching for him.   
“But it doesn’t mean I want to control you. I was only trying to give you what you wanted. You can say no to me. I want you to know that you can always say no to me. I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know Gerard,” I whispered and kissed him desperately.

“Do you want me again baby girl?” he asked panting and I could tell he wanted it as bad as me. “A whole week apart, once couldn’t have been enough for you could it?” He teased, his fingers sliding between my legs to pet my dripping sex. I gasped as he slipped in a finger and it made a squelching noise. 

“Look at that, still dripping your daddy’s cum, but I bet you want more don’t you?”

I groaned and arched, begging him to touch me more. He dropped back down to his knees and I barely had time to feel self conscious before his mouth was on my cunt. I gasped and panted, embarrassingly loud as he started eating me out. I whimpered, trying not to shamelessly moan as I thrust against his tongue licking at my folds and thrusting into me. 

“Did he do this to you too baby girl? Huh? Did he lick you stupid until you came?” He growled looking up at me. 

“N-no,” I whimpered trembling. Gerard grinned, chuckling darkly. 

 

“His loss then,” Gerard said, and I could tell how delighted he was. “Do you like it honey? It feels like you do.” 

His mouth found my clit and sucked, I nearly saw stars. I moaned and bucked, my fingers tangled in his hair, pulling on it and trying to push him into me. He chuckled again, the sensation making me gasp. Then he was moaning, the vibrations driving me insane. My stomach tightened and I leaned back over the table, losing the strength to hold myself up. 

 

“You taste so fucking perfect babes,” Gerard groaned as if I was the one pleasuring him. My cunt tightened and I could feel myself getting close fast. My breaths came in gasps and I tried pushing away, not wanting the unbelievable pleasure to end. But Gerard’s arms kept me pinned under his skilled mouth. “No baby, come for your daddy. I want to taste you. Fuck yourself on my face like a good girl.” He growled. I sobbed, thrusting my hips without control, his large hands on my hips only encouraged me. 

“That’s it, that’s it baby. Fuck, always so perfect for me,” he growled. His fingers thrust deep, rubbing against that perfect spot inside me, tongue teasing and sucking on my clit. I fell apart. 

 

“DADDY!” I cried, fingers pulling at his hair as I arched and my orgasm ripped through me. He continued to rock my hips against his face as my orgasm dissipated even as I trembled. I gasped for breath, moaned at the overstimulation. 

 

“Mmmmmmm, that’s it. That’s my girl. So beautiful. Are you satisfied yet honey? Or do you need to come again on my cock?” Gerard growls, slowly kissing his way up to my face. The thought of having him inside me again makes me sob with desperation. I love being connected to him. Being one with him. I need it so badly I’m still shaking. I wrap my legs around his hips, drawing him in. 

 

“Yes Gee, please. Please,” I whimper and he growls, biting my neck. He quickly picks me up, kissing me passionately. He takes me into my old room and sits on my bed. He quickly removes our clothes as I focus on leaving love bites on his neck. I moan when he starts palming my breasts, pinching my nipples. Then he pulls my hips flush with his, and I feel him prodding against my opening. I jerk a little, nervous about being on top of him. 

“I want you to ride me (f/n) baby.” He growls, slowly teasing my entrance. “I want you to fill yourself with my cock just how you want it. I want to watch you bouncing on my lap while you think about how I’m the only man who’s pleasured you like this.”

 

I can only shiver and nod, though I’m nervous. I’ve never done this before, and it’s so very intimate. 

 

“Remember you can always tell me no,” he whispered, stroking the side of my face soothingly. I shook my head quickly. No, I wanted this, the thoughts exciting me, making me wet. He leaned back slightly, so fucking gorgeously naked, long pale muscles under my hands. Slowly, I lowered myself onto him, feeling him sink in inch by glorious inch. My eyes fluttered shut and I let out a trembling breath as I sat flush against him, his thick cock just barely brushing against my cervix. Not painfully, just pleasantly full. Slowly I rose, feeling him slipping back out, the swollen head tugging at my inner walls blissfully as they clenched, trying to draw him back in. I sank on him again, concentration on the wonderful sensations of having him inside me, his moans of pleasure, grip on my hips. When he was all the way inside me again, I rocked my hips, moaning and twisting them in a circle so I could feel how full with him I was. Gerard groaned louder underneath me. 

“You’re so beautiful (f/n), so perfect. I can hardly believe you’re mine. So fucking hot watching you fuck yourself on my cock. It only you could see the way you look.” Gerard growled, meeting my next thrust. But he didn’t urge me faster. No, this was all about me having control, choosing what I wanted. I sunk on him slowly a few more times as his thumb came up to rub slow circles over my clit. 

“I love you inside me,” I whispered and felt him buck up, groaning. I could feel the arousal in me rise, and suddenly it wasn’t enough. I needed more of him. I started to rock on him faster, feeling more of his cock penetrating me. We both groaned, him starting to thrust up into me as he matched my rhythm. It only egged me on, making me start to bounce on him. I worked my hips, making him hit places inside me that had me seeing stars, gasping for more. He pinched my nipples making me arch and go faster. 

“More, Gee baby, please more,” I whimpered, my rhythm getting sloppy and desperate. His thrusts start getting stronger, bouncing me on him, hitting my cervix. A hand is tangled in my hair, the other is moving over my body, soothing and igniting pleasure. I love it. The sex is so incredible, he’s so incredible. But I want more. I just want more of him, but I don’t even know what to ask for. His face is a sexy mix of pain, desperation, and pleasure. I love watching him through my fluttering lashes. My hands are clawing at his exposed scarred chest. 

 

“Come in me,” I whimper before I can even think about the words. His eyes widen, pupils fully blown. “Please Gee, I want to feel it. Flip me over and fuck me like I like it. Then empty in me, I want it so bad. Fuck please Gerard!” I cried. He roared, making me squeak as he flipped me over onto my back. He pushed my legs up around him then started pounding me into the mattress, making the whole thing rock and screech. I kept moaning and gasping, filling the air with my lust filled cries. His hips snapped into mine over and over, making my voice get louder as I kept getting closer. One of my hands stretched over my head and I felt his own settle over it, intertwining our fingers. 

“You’re so unbelievably sexy you know that?” He growled in between grunts. “All mine and so perfect. I’m never letting you go. I’m so fucking yours, got me wrapped around your pretty little finger don’t you (f/n) baby? I’m gonna give you everything babes. And you’re going to take it all screaming like my good girl aren’t you? FUCK! That’s it baby, so close!” I clung to him, so close, gasping as I felt so close to coming again, feeling him twitching as he pounded me frantically. 

“Please!”I sobbed. I needed to feel him empty in me before I came. 

 

“Coming! Fuck! Take all of it (f/n)! My perfect girl!” Gerard growled before clashing our lips back together. I screamed into his mouth as I felt him emptying inside me, thrust in as deeply as he could, hot and thick against the innermost part of me. I screamed, my orgasm tarring through me unlike anything I’d ever felt before, squeezing him, so connected it felt like our souls were touching. We both sobbed, passionate tears running down our faces as we shuddered against each other. Slowly coming down. We laid like that for what felt like years, without speaking, just nursling against each other. Till slowly exhaustion started to creep in and he slowly turned us so we were still intertwined by laying on our sides. 

“You know that I love you more than anything,” he whispered kissing me softly, so slow and tender, just our lips pressed to each other. 

“Yes,” I whispered looking into his beautiful golden hazel eyes, his dark hair a complete mess. Happiness and contentment radiating out of me. “I love you too.” I said much softer. And then he gave me that warm crooked smile, that made him look so much younger, exposing the young man I’d known underneath and I melted. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead so tenderly more tears slipped out. His arms wrapped back around my waist, chaining us together, but I wasn’t afraid. I knew this time when the sun came up in the morning he’d be right here. The man I loved wrapped around me so tightly I wouldn’t be able to pry him off if I wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY! I know that it took me FOREVER to update this story. And I promise I wasn't slacking, and I paid attention to every comment you guys left on the last chapter asking for more. I just really didn't have time to write, I even tried sneaking some in right before I went to bed but....I might have fallen asleep writing a few times. I'm sorry for any mistakes, I've had more trouble focusing than usual and I really don't feel like checking over it. But I don't want to keep you waiting any longer either. I hope that you guys liked this chapter and it didn't disappoint. Hopefully it answered a lot of questions, probably raised a few more as well, but our characters are starting to evolve a little more as people. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT!!!!!!!! I can't believe how many people are so into this story. Please keep reading and sending me your love and I'll keep doing the best I can. 
> 
> -Batty X)


	6. Chapter 6

A giggle shook my chest as I tried to hold it in. Rough fingertips ghosted down the curve of my waist down to my hipbones. My eyes remained shut, still to asleep to open. If he left me alone I’d drift back into dreaming in seconds. Lips pressed against the pulse point on my neck, making a sigh escape my lips. I turned my head to the other side of the pillow. I bit my lip as the kisses drifted down to my collarbone, which was nibbled and sucked on. There was a weight on my lower half, making me unable to roll away, but for some reason it was a pleasant sensation. Someone hummed against me, or maybe it was a pleased growl. I breathed in, the room warm and just slightly musky, sex and him, us. I sighed contentedly but still had no desire to wake fully. 

A chuckle now, lower, so close to my heart it made me shiver. Thumbs rubbed circles on my hipbones, soothing and enticing desire at the same time. Then they skimmed back up to my ribs, cradling my breasts. My eyes fluttered just barely as I felt warm breath on my nipples. I groaned when a hot tongue prodded at one until it stiffened. He kissed it, fingers pinching the other while he took it into his mouth to tease it with suction and his tongue. I groaned softly, hips bucking up into the weight pinning them. He chuckled with his mouth still on my sensitive bud and I bit my lip. 

He finally relented and I sighed, relaxing as I felt his lips drift lower. He gently palmed my breasts and kissed my stomach tenderly. I kept my eyes shut, trying to drift back to sleep even as I felt lips pressing down across my stomach to my hip. The pressure on my hips changed and for a brief second I thought I was going to slip back into darkness, the teasing done. I barely heard the soft growling sound before a hot line was licked across my sensitive lips to swirl around my clit. My eyes snapped open before they fluttered closed again. I moaned, my hands drifting down my body as plump lips kissed my clit before sucking it in much like they’d done to my nipple. I started to breathe harder as pleasure coursed through me. But as I began to writhe, strong arms kept me locked in place.  
My eyes fluttered again as he pleasured the little pearl of my sex and stroked my lips with his tongue. I groaned leaning back. It felt so good. My hands found their way to his thick dark locks and wove their way into them. He hummed in approval and the vibration made my hips jerk into his face. I could almost understand why guys were always trying to get girls to go down on them now. It felt amazing and I didn’t have to do anything but lay there with my fists in his hair. His tongue was hot and silky and provided a surprising amount of pressure. I felt so good, I could feel my blood heating, my orgasm building and still I only turned a bit, still half asleep. I had never come without doing anything, but it seemed like Gerard was hell bent on providing me pleasure. I groaned again. 

“Mmmmm, are you waking up baby girl? How does your little cunt feel? Good? Do you want to come my sweet little thing?” Gerard said between licks, and nips. His large warm caloused hands stroked patterns on my hipbones. I tugged on his hair, urging him to burry his face in my cunt, he didn’t seem to mind by the smile I felt pulling against me.

“Yes…” I murmured sleep keeping my voice soft and monotone. “Please Daddy,”

Gerard groaned into my folds, picking up his pace. He gently spread my legs wider so he could reach deeper, swirling his tongue inside me, his nose nuzzling against my clit. I moaned, my hips starting to jerk up into him, getting desperate for pleasure. Gerard moaned back, igniting my nerves as the vibrations went right to my sex. 

“I didn’t get enough of you last night baby girl. You taste so fucking good. I could spend all morning with my face buried in your perfect little pussy. I want you to cum all over my face, all over my tongue. All for me.” Gee said. My body trembled, nerves alight with pleasure. I was getting so close to coming. I loved it when he talked during sex. It was so fucking hot. It made me feel so dirty, and wanted. 

“ I can’t believe that stupid kid didn’t pleasure you like this. Did he even make you cum baby? Mmmm, yeah. That’s it my baby girl. Fuck my face, I just want to make my baby cum until she falls apart. Gonna make you cum till you forget all the tears you’ve shed. Mmmmmmm, I love you my perfect girl. Come on now, come for me. Come for your Daddy.” He growled. 

I gasped, hips jerking as I started to come. My hands fisted in his hair, pulling harshly at his roots as he buried his face in my sex, tongue flicking wildly. His arms tightened around me as I let out breathy gasps, getting louder as my orgasm swelled over and crashed through me. 

“Ahhhhhhnnnnhhh,” I gasped as it shattered though me then washed over, my nerves suddenly overworked and sensitive. I moaned at Gerard tugging him back, his sucking and kisses now too much for me. My whole body trembled with satisfied astounding release and pleasure. I felt him humming into my skin, sounding just as pleased as I felt. 

“Yeah, that’s it baby…so good for me. Feel good now? Mmmmm, shhhhh now. I’ll make it all better.” He kissed my skin, hands rubbing all my muscles soothingly until they stopped trembling and became lax. He kissed my stomach tenderly again, making his way back up. My eyes finally open and his golden hazels are there staring lovingly into me. A smile spreads sleepily across my face without any thought, and my chest fills with excited joy. Love….is this what love feels like? I bite my lip as he smiles back at me. I giggle again. His warm hand caresses my face and our foreheads touch. This is how it was supposed to be. This is what our first morning after should have been. As if having the same thought he smiles almost apologetically before pressing his lips to mine. They’re warm and musky, his face smelling faintly of my sex, making me salivate. My arms wrap around his neck, tugging him closer to me. I never want to be out of his arms. My body and hart are a comfortable puddle of liquid satisfaction and desire. He’s mine. All mine, and I’m all his. Nothing matters more than each other. 

We kiss, and he makes me feel worshiped. I’ve never been the focus of someone’s love and desire before. Words can’t describe how wonderful it feels. The gaping hole I’ve always felt inside is barely noticeable, smaller, covered up. I have to look for it to feel it instead of trying to tip toe over it. The sensation is both unbelievably comforting and warm. I feel elated, like I’ve overcome something so big that the rest of my life will be easy. 

“I’m going to make it all better baby,” Gerard whispered as our lips parted. He cupped my face lovingly in his large hands. “My (f/n), I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making it better for you. You’ll never have to be sad and face anything alone ever again.” He said. I could only imagine he was talking about our conversation last night, about how he’d fucked up. He couldn’t have read my thoughts but I choked back some happy tears. I nodded, bringing his mouth back to my lips. I kissed him again, passion rising back into my blood. 

“Gee,” I whispered out in a moan, and his attention was immediately on me. I moved my legs out from under him so I could wrap them around his waist. I pulled him in closer as he growled, pulling delightfully hard cock against my warm slick sex.

“Make love to me again Gerard,” I whispered, teasing his cock by rubbing my lips up and down its length. He let out a hiss, his breath coming out in pants, trying to hold back. But I didn’t want any of that.  
“Please,” I whispered. “I need you inside me again.” 

He growled, pushing me down into the mattress again. With our bodies and lips tangled together again, he slipped inside of me. It wasn’t quite like before. There was desperation and need thick in our blood, but it was also slower, passionate as we took our time, treasuring every moment we had locked around each other, moving as one. We were quiet, only breathy gasps and moans making it past our locked lips. When we came, we came together, almost reluctantly as it meant our union had to end. 

Now we rested again side by side, taking each other in with our eyes, content just to watch each other, knowing how important we were to each other. It was beautiful. He dusted my face with kisses occasionally, telling me I was beautiful. My hands played in his hair. 

“When do you have to leave again?” I asked, knowing he couldn’t stay forever and I should prepare for when I had to be without him now. 

“Mmmmmm, I can push it until Tuesday afternoon I think.” He whispered brushing my hair back. My heart leapt, happy that he hadn’t said tomorrow. A few days. That was good. 

“When will you come back?” I asked. He frowned briefly. 

“Maybe next Sunday, I’ll have to see baby girl. But I’ll call you ever night before you go to sleep, and I’ll work on getting a way for us to safely skype set up so I can see your beautiful face.” He said and kissed my nose. I giggled, rolling on top of him to curl up on his chest. He smiled, hand tangling in my hair. “You could come home with me…” he teased. 

“You know I can’t do that.” I murmured nipping at him. “I have school and my friends are here. My mom’s place is here. I can’t leave.” He grumbled teasingly.

“You could always transfer schools…start going to a better school in New York, one with more art programs and a better creative writing professors.” He murmured. 

“You sound like you’ve started to look into it.” I said. He made a small humorous sound in the back of his throat, shrugging under me. His sarcastic smile said it all though. 

“I can’t.” I repeated. “I can’t just leave my mom-“ I said then stopped. “My mom’s house.” 

He stroked my face, his dropping as mine probably had. 

“I know baby, I was just teasing. I’m fine with coming to you.” He said and I smiled. We rested peacefully for a few minutes. “Are you going to keep the house?” he asked rubbing my back. I paused then nodded. 

“Yeah. I thought about it and it would be too painful to let it go. All my memories of here are here, even if they’re not all good. This was our home, I don’t want to let it go. I just need to try to move on and make it mine I think.” I said. He nodded. 

“That sounds like a plan baby girl.” He said I nodded. 

“I mean….staying in my old room…with hers at the end of the hall is pretty hard. When I go in there, and I just see all her stuff, it just kind of hits me that I’m not going to see her in there again and it’s so wrong.” I say tearing up. Gerard quickly kisses me soothingly. “I-it just feels so empty you know…like I’m living with ghosts….it’s hard to sleep.” Gerard nodded, understanding and thinking. He sighed deeply. 

“It doesn’t help that you’re practically living in a museum of her life.” Gerard said contemplating. “Do you think it would help you move on if you made it yours? Pack away some of Marie’s things so you don’t have to look at them. We can put them in storage until you feel like you’re strong enough to go through them and bring them back if you want. I can help you get some new things to make it feel more like your space. Some new furniture, dishes, paint. We could move you into the master bedroom, turn this into a studio for you. Get you a sewing table , some mannequins, it would help to work on your college work at home.”

I nodded, nuzzling into his chest. I blushed, flattered that he was offering to help me so much. 

“Yeah…I think that would help me. It’s just…it’s going to be so hard going in her room and…you know…” I said.

“Let me do it then,” he said soothingly. Then he smiled. “How about this, we’ll start shopping this weekend. We can pick everything out that you want. We can pack up all your stuff together when you’re comfortable. Then in two weeks we should be done, and I’ll have some time off. You can come visit me in New Jersey, spend the weekend with me there…see your old house, and while we’re gone, I’ll have some movers come in and set everything up. Then we can come home and it’ll be all ready for you.” He said smiling. My heart warmed at the thought, and l was already excited about spending a weekend away with him. I nodded. 

“Yeah…I think…that sounds good.” I said. Gerard smiled at me.

 

“We’ll go at your pace (f/n),” he whispered. “If it’s too soon for you we’ll reschedule, alright? And if you want to wait then you can. I can box everything in her room if it’s too painful and put it in a safe storage unit, so nothing will be in danger of being ruined.” I smiled nodding again. Gerard took such good care of me. I buried my face in his chest. He chuckled and buried his face in my hair. 

“I love you Daddy,” I whispered.

“I love you too baby girl.” He murmured kissing my head. “I’d do anything for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know this chapter was super short, and probably riddled with mistakes as I wrote it half asleep, but I really wanted to update because of all the support and love I've gotten for this story. Also I wanted the morning after scene to be separate from the next chapter. Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed this short chapter, thanks for sticking with me and be sure to leave some love! I live on it! X3
> 
> -Batty


	7. Chapter 7

Squares of color scattered around me like oversized confetti. They stood out almost harshly as little beacons of color in the empty sterile like white room. I sat crisscrossed in the middle, meditating amongst the scraps of dark shades. I picked up the tab of the red so dark it almost looked black titled ‘vampire velvet’ again and held it up to the wall in front of me. I smiled, rubbing my thumb over the color.  
Yeah, this one was definitely going to stay. This offset with the flat warm black called midnight coffee would be perfect for the room, paired with some gold trim and Victorian damask patterns. I definitely wanted the room dark, so it looked completely different. The further it got from how I remembered it the better I’d feel. 

 

Gerard and I had managed to clear the room out in only two days. He hadn’t rushed me at all, exceedingly patient and supportive when I had to stop and sob, letting my emotions bleed out after pressing them all down for moths. Sometimes it was because I came across something I recognized, like her rosaries, or a piece of jewelry I’d bought her, even a pair of familiar socks. But sometimes it was nothing, just realization of change and loss setting in and becoming real. I didn’t even feel ashamed to cry in front of him like I usually did around everyone else. He didn’t shush me, didn’t tell me to stop crying like people usually did trying to be comforting.   
He just held me, rubbing my back and assuring me I wasn’t alone, that he loved me and was there for me. It was unbelievably touching and incredibly hard two days. But now I felt like a weight was lifting from my shoulders. Like I was finally treating a wound ignored for moths. It was painful, but now I could finally start to heal. 

 

We’d done a little shopping online, looking for furniture during breaks. We both agreed a larger bed was definitely needed, my twin hardly adequate for our rather frequent and enthused fucking, let alone sleep for as often as he was over. He’d already placed a queen sized bronze and black wood Victorian frame with a beautiful canopy, something I’d always wanted. It was beautiful. We’d also been looking at old Victorian dressers and nightstands, but I’d hopefully find what I wanted at nearby thrift stores. I didn’t feel right with him buying all new expensive furniture for my room. I only agreed to let him pay for the new frame and mattress when he insisted he was the reason I needed a new one, and as he’d be sharing it with me it was his job to use his money to buy it. I knew he was also looking for a way to spoil me, so I gave in. I couldn’t have afforded it anyway and I didn’t want his nights here to be uncomfortable. It wouldn’t be here for a few weeks though, and that was just fine, I wanted to paint the room first while it was empty. It would be easier this way. 

My phone rang on the floor next to me and I jumped. I looked down at it then grinned as the caller ID flashed DADDY across the screen. I blushed, wishing I could have put something less embarrassing like Gee. But this seemed the safest. If anyone got a hold of my phone then they probably wouldn’t give the name a second glance….they surely wouldn’t think that it was the number of my mob boss boyfriend. 

 

“Hey,” I greeted into the phone, hoping I didn’t sound too excited to hear his voice. 

“Hey little one,” His smooth voice rumbled into the phone, making me blush and melt. “How’s my baby girl doing?”

 

“I’m alright,” I giggled. “I only had one morning class today so I’m just picking out the final colors for the walls. Trying not to miss you so much.” 

 

He laughed then hummed lowly. 

 

“I miss you too baby girl. You have no idea how hard it is sleeping without you. I’ve been burning the midnight oil instead and living on coffee. Did you decide on the colors?”

 

“Yeah. Alternating black and dark red with some gold accented wallpaper. You know, that Victorian pattern I have on my sheets.” I said tracing patterns on the color swatches. I was smiling way too much. Talking to him like this on the phone sent butterflies fluttering in my stomach. It was so comfortable and familiar. I’d never been in a relationship before and I cherished the mundane and domestic conversation. 

“Sounds perfect my sweet girl,” he said affectionately. “Very you, it’ll go well with the furniture we picked out.”

“Yeah,” I said fidgeting. “I was thinking about tan and teal, but that would still be too light I think. Red and black is more familiar. Plus it reminds me of you.” I said, alluding to how he only seemed to wear red and black, which I liked since they were two of my favorite colors. He laughed again and I could feel him smiling. “And I think you mean the furniture style we picked out. You’re only buying the bed, Daddy.” I said catching him slipping his words. He’d already tried to buy me the rest of the matching set. I still wasn’t sure how I’d be able to stop him from doing so if he was set on doing it. He growled lowly hearing me call him by his nickname. 

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about baby girl.” He said lowly, but his aroused growl said differently. “ Your daddy just wants to take care of you buying you some things you need.” I bit my lip as arousal started swimming through me, making my sex shiver to life. It was difficult craving him inside me when he was hours away. 

“Dropping a few thousand on furnishing a whole house is kind of excessive Gerard.” I said reminding him of our argument from days ago.

“So I want to spoil you as well. There’s nothing wrong with showering my baby girl with gifts.” He growled and I could tell he was getting excited as well. My clit tingled, begging to be touched my his velvet tongue, my body already trained to respond to his voice. 

 

“I don’t need you to buy me gifts Daddy,” I murmured my voice dropping, doing nothing to hide my arousal. “I only need you here with me.” I half pleaded. I didn’t miss his moan like growl. I bit my lip, sliding my fingertips teasingly over my panties. Gentle sparks slid along my sex making me feel slick and hot. I let out a soft whimper. 

“I feel so empty when you aren’t here,”

That made Gerard outright groan, I could hear the metallic click of his belt and zipper. I wonder if I’ve made him hard yet. 

“I know baby girl,” He groaned. “I hate being away from you too. But that just means I can spoil you more, give you something to tide you over till I get back.” He growled breathless. “I want to give you everything baby girl. You won’t want for anything ever again. I’ve got enough to spoil you rotten like you deserve without even making a dent.”

The thought was sweet, and I appreciated it, but I would have loved Gerard just as much if he was broke. I didn’t need his money, I needed him. I told him so again and he groaned. I slipped my fingers under my panties, raising to my knees before giving up and just laying back on the floor. 

 

“I know how good you are at taking care of me Daddy,” I moaned teasing my clit with my finger. His breathing got heavier. “Don’t you feel better knowing it’s all about you and not money? That all I need you to give me is your love and your thick cock inside me?” He cursed and hissed, the sound of slapping flesh echoing quietly in the background of the phone. 

“Put those pretty little fingers in that tight little cunt,” He growled as if he knew I was touching myself too and I hastily obeyed. I whimpered, moaning as I quickly starting stroking at my insides. The new intrusion felt good for the first few seconds but I missed the straining thick feeling of any part of him in me. I tried picturing him fucking me as I listened to the sexy sounds he made on the other end. But I whimpered. 

“Daddy, it’s not good enough.” I cried sadly. “They aren’t big enough. Not like your cock.”

Gerard made a strangled sound into the phone. 

“Baby you-Fuck.” He hissed. “Go back into your room. Lay on the bed.” 

I quickly complied affirming I was in place when he asked. 

“Good baby, now take your back massager on the side, turn it on low.”

Again I did as he asked, though rather confused. He wanted me to…soothe the aches in my back? Now? I was kinda busy with a different kind of tension. He asked me if I was laying again and I confirmed. He growled, the sound of his fist around his thick cock slow, making my mouth water. 

 

“Good baby girl, good. Now put it on your stomach.” He said. I did then whimpered, the vibrations feeling good, stirring things lower. He chuckled darkly. “Good, now circle it, going a little lower each time.” He said and I did, skimming the mound of my sex and oh. Ohhhhhhhhh. My eyes fluttered back in my head and I bit my lip, hips thrusting up involuntarily. Okay, I saw where he was going with this. I teased myself a bit more building up to the point where it finally touched my clit under his direction. I sobbed. 

 

“D-daddy! It feels so good!” I sobbed. He laughed, groaning. 

 

“I know baby, now think about me there, filling and fucking you with my cock.” He growled. I groaned, arching my back, the combination of the vibrations and his words making me feel like I was already getting close. I imagined he was thinking about being inside me as he jerked himself. My heart clenched. “Imagine I’m there, pushing you over your bed onto your stomach. I’m grabbing your hips, yanking you back on my cock while I fuck you into the mattress. Spoiling you rotten just like you want.” He panted. I whimpered and panted, rubbing the massager over myself and turning it up slightly. One hand could no longer tease my insides so it moved to grip the sheets just like I would if he was fucking me. And then I felt the rising pull of my orgasm.

 

“Daddy,” I panted then whimpered, pleading. “I’m gonna come,” He growled, the sound of his hand moving furiously over his hardened shaft pushing me closer. 

 

“Come baby girl. Let go thinking about me fucking you so hard, spilling out inside you and filling you up instead of all over my hand. My mouth on your neck.” He said and I lost the ability to think as my finger slipped turning up the massager. 

 

A few minutes later we’d both come down from our orgasms. I’d shut off the massager, knowing I’d never look at it the same way again. Somehow the conversation started again with laughter and satisfied praise from Gerard. I felt a little less tense me desire finally quelled after days without him. 

 

“That could have been even better if you’d gotten skype set up like you said.” I murmured and he laughed. 

 

“Close (f/n), not quite yet. I can’t wait either.”

 

“Mmmmmm, probably as well.” I said absently rearranging my clothes. “I walk around naked too much anyway.” Gerard growled. 

 

“Not again baby girl.” He groaned panting. I laughed, pleased that it was so easy to arouse him. “What are you doing the rest of the day now that you decided on the paint?” 

“It’s still early. I’ll probably go buy it, get some lunch. Then I can come back and start on it.” I said. He hummed, meaning he was wondering if he should say what he was thinking or not.

 

“You don’t have to do it alone. I’ll help you when I come back.” He said and I smiled. He was always thinking about me. 

 

“That’s alright, I just want to get it done. I don’t mind working on it by myself for a few days.” I smiled when I heard him grumbling worriedly under his breath. 

 

“At least get one of those guys to come over and help you.” He said. “I’m sure you can lour them easy enough with a pizza.” I laughed again, hearing the distain in his voice. 

 

“Maybe,” I murmured running my fingers over the blanket. He was quiet for a few moments, probably reading me as easily if he was sitting in front of me.

 

“You still haven’t talked to any of them yet?” he said softly, trying to tread lightly, his voice dipping probably feeling partially responsible. I shook my head though he couldn’t see it. It wasn’t his fault. Whatever went on between the boys and me was between us and what I did not him. 

“No,” I said. “Andy’s texted me a couple times, I just told him I was fine, spending some time alone.”   
He hummed again, acknowledging he’d heard me then let it drift back to comfortable silence. 

 

“It’s hard for people to surprise you if you never give them chance.” He whispered as if he was thinking out loud. “It’s easy for them to disappoint you if they never know they’re needed.” I bit my lip mulling his words over, knowing he was right, appreciating that he spoke his mind kindly tying to push me and help at the same time. He always seemed to know just what to say. I smiled sadly.

 

“Yeah…I know you’re right.” I said thumbing through my texts. “I just…it’s hard not being able to tell anyone about everything that’s been happening...” I said, though the unsaid ‘about you’ filtered in the air between us. 

 

“I don’t want you to hide us from your friends.” He said sadly. “We can’t tell them about what I do…we’ll have to be a little tricky about that. But the rest of it, if you want to, if you trust someone... It might help to process it all. I don’t want you to feel alone when I can’t be there.” He said and it felt like a weight lifted. I choked back the sudden tightness in my throat. 

 

“Yeah,” I murmured. And he hummed happily, somehow able to tell that my mood had been lifted. 

 

“I love you, you know?” He whispered. I laughed. 

“Mmmhmmm…I love you too Gerard.” I said. I swear I could feel him smile. 

 

“I’ll call you again tonight before you crash.” He said and I smiled.

 

“You mean before you crash?” I said laughing.

 

“Unuh. Coffee remember. Coffee and sugar and daydreams of you. No sleeping.” I laughed again.

 

“Tonight,” I promised.

 

“Tonight,” He said then after exchanging more sappy vows of love we finally hung up. 

 

I sat there for a while. Stressing and thinking over what he was going to say when I told him. I wanted to talk to Andy. I wanted to talk to him so desperately. I trusted him more than any of my friends, he was always there for me. Always defending me and dealing with my moodiness. But the last time I’d seen them all ran through my mind again. What if they’d already all turned against me. I could only imagine the things an angered Pete had spewed at them. I knew how quickly he could turn on someone when he felt attacked and slighted. Would he do that to me? Tears prickled my eyes. 

 

I shook my head. So what? Shouldn’t I explain even if that was the case? I had to at least try. I was better than that. Gerard was right. I needed to stop pulling away. I’d been doing it more and more since my mom died. It was like I was trying to pull myself away from everything so I could pretend my life wasn’t real. Fuck that. Fuck it all. Before I could think anymore I pressed call. 

 

“Hey (f/n),” Andy answered and for a moment I was too choked up to even answer. He paused. “(f/n), are you okay.” I cleared my throat.

 

“Ummmm….yeah, sorry. I mean yeah I’m here.” I said my voice catching. Andy was quiet. I bit my lip, unable to speak as the silence continued. 

 

“So,” he said finally breaking the silence with his calm in control voice. “….you finally ready to start talking about what’s going on?” he said. I smiled before I broke into nervous laughter. He could always read me so well. But he never pushed me. My friend the zen master. I swallowed.

 

“Yeah, I think so.” I said. “Ummm, wanna help me pick up some paint first and I’ll order a pizza?”

 

“Half veggie and we’re good to go.” He said excitedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!
> 
> ......Even if you don't celebrate it, haha. I just wanted to put out a chapter today to show how thankful I am for each and everyone of you wonderful people who read this, leave me kudos, or comments. It means the world to me. I can't believe I've been writing on here for like a year now, that's BONKERS!! If you do celebrate it then i hope you had an awesome day stuffing yourself with turkey and spending it with your crazy family. Me? ........yeah. i just spent the day writing. Haha, it sucks but with all the rain it flooded by my mom's house. (she lives on a river.) That meant that she couldn't get out and i couldn't get there. So Thanksgiving canceled. Yeah, sucks I know. No turkey or pie for me today. AM I CRYING ABOUT PIE? NO. OF COURSE NOT....THESE ARE....JUST MY EYES LEAKING AWESOME! *sniffsniff* Do i feel like the universe is telling me I'm fat and giving me the finger? Yeah a little. Fuck you too universe! You shady bitch!
> 
> Enough about meeeee! So i know this is pretty short. Honestly I had a lot more planned for this chapter but then I started writing it and my brain was like....phone sex. And i was like what?! NO! This was going to be a clean chapter about friendship and feelings and stuff! But then my brain was like ......nuh...phone sex. And i was like....ugh...yeah okay. I hope it didn't disappoint and gets you hyped for the next chapter. Listened to some more Hey Violet while writing this. 
> 
> And yeah I wanted to write about Pete...especially because *cough cough* I just went to a FOB concert *cough cough* but i ran out of time. But it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO AWWWWSOOOMMEEEEEEE!!!!!! UUUUGGHHHH! I'm sorry I can't stop talking about it. Sorry. Don't know for sure what I'll update next. I'm thinking Tangled, and then maybe Life on the Murder Scene.   
> OH! Also one last thing, I made an email address you guys can contact me at! It's: battyjade74@gmail.com  
> I don't know if this is something cool you guys would like or not, but I thought I'd give you guys the option. If you're too shy to leave a comment, or just want to talk to me privately feel free to send me a message! It doesn't even have to be about my stories on here! If you're just lonely or bored, or want to discuss soup, man I'm all for it. Don't be shy! Life is hard and people don't have enough real friends. So this is me reaching out to other lonely people like me hoping I can make this shit show we call life a little bit better! 
> 
> Anyway thank you all for the continued love and support. Sorry for the novel long message, haha. I fucking love you guys!
> 
> Till later!  
> -Batty :3


	8. Chapter 8

Andy drove us over to the store to get paint within thirty minutes. Luckily it was still fairly early in the morning. I’d honestly been surprised he was awake. The boys were more like mid afternoon risers, unlike me who couldn’t sleep after the stupid sun shone in. I thought about trying to talk to him in the store as he kept giving me knowing looks like he was waiting for me to bring it up. But I just couldn’t, it was way too intimate and complicated to get into in public. So instead we picked up a pizza on the way back and headed home like everything was normal. We ate a slice first when we got home, I’d already prepped what I could in the bedroom. We headed in there when our stomachs were silenced and started opening cans. I fidgeted nervously, wondering if maybe he’d forgotten I wanted to talk and I could just forget about it. 

 

“So,” Andy said and I perked up. “Are we finally going to talk about it?” I sucked in a deep and nervous breath, rubbing my arm and nodding slightly. I bit my lip. Andy looked up at me. 

“(f/n), it can’t be that bad. Even if it is, you’re my best friend I’ll help you.” He said and I laughed, though it sounded more like a sob of relief. I smiled. We started on the red wall first, Andy pouring the paint into the tray. I opened my mouth to speak but only inhaled, not sure how to begin. 

“Well…” I said, and he nodded to let me know he was listening, but kept himself busy with loading the roller with paint, knowing eye contact made me more nervous. “I guess….well…you know Pete and I kinda had a fight at that new club?”

He hummed in confirmation.

“Well…it’s….because………well…” I muttered wondering if this was the best place to start. He glanced up at me. I shook my head. “Sorry. There’s kinda just so much to say…I’m not sure where to start.” Andy shrugged at me. 

 

“It’s okay.” He said reassuringly. “That’s why you’re supposed to tell me when something’s bothering you instead of holding it in for weeks till you’re about to explode.”

I laughed, happy and embarrassed. Of course Andy had noticed something was wrong. 

“Yeah, I know I’ve been off lately. Really ever since…” I murmured, thinking back to when my mom had gotten so sick in the hospital…the last days there. My smile dropped and I squeezed the paint roller. Andy’s large hand gently squeezed my shoulder. 

 

“I know,” He said reassuringly. “And that’s perfectly normal. Which is why I’ve been trying not to push you too hard…but there’s something else going on the past couple weeks isn’t there?” He prodded. I nodded, a smile twitching back onto my face.

“You remember the party a couple weeks ago?” I asked instead. He nodded giving me a roller full of paint and taking my clean one. 

“Yeah the one you ghosted out on and walked all the way back to your house from in the middle of the night.” He said. I bit my lip and laughed. I turned and started painting the wall. He followed suit shortly after. 

“Yeah…well, the thing is I…kinda met this guy on the way home.” I whispered. At that Andy’s head jerked up and I blushed. He knew I didn’t really do the whole dating thing so the surprise was fairly called for. 

“You met a strange guy walking home at night? Did he do something to you?!” he said his voice high and strained, obviously already jumping to conclusions. I quickly shook my head and some of the tension dropped out of his shoulders, knuckles no longer white gripping the paint roller. I encouraged him to keep going and he did so slowly, still looking at me. I blushed a little, knowing I had to tell him the embarrassing part. 

“Well, the thing is…he wasn’t exactly a stranger…and he…” I bit my lip and swallowed before taking a deep breath. “At the time…he was kind of…saving me from…myself.”  
Andy’s eyebrows rose. I bit my lip again then hurried in a frenzied pace so I would get it all out. 

“Look, I took what you guys did, and I drank too much. I was just trying to make all the bad shit go away you know? The last couple of months have been harder on me than I thought they’d be. I felt really shitty at the party and I left. I was really fucked up and I ended up on the bridge. I was climbing around on it and I just didn’t care…I was…Fuck I don’t know what I was doing but I wasn’t being careful and Gerard came and got me down.” I said furiously painting the wall, splattering tiny drops of paint everywhere. I bit my lip and looked down as I painted to the floor embarrassed. I’d basically just admitted to trying to kill myself. I could feel him standing still staring at me, maybe shocked and at a loss for words. I shook my head, stopping and gathering more paint in the pan before continuing. He slowly followed suit.

“He took me home, took care of me.” I whispered. Biting my lip as I remembered the not so gentlemanly things he’d helped me with that night. I decided to leave out that information. I bit my lip and swallowed. “I knew him, my mom knew him, back when we lived in Jersey. I didn’t realize it at first. He’s the son of a friend of my fathers, like part of the family we had back there. When he’d found out about my mom’s…about her death…he came to find me. To make sure I was alright. So when he found me and I wasn’t, he decided to stay with me for a few days.” I said. Andy nodded, continuing to paint with me. 

“So he’s a childhood friend of yours? But weren’t you like only five when you moved here? How did he remember you when you guys were so young?” Andy asked. I blushed furiously, biting my lip as I knew I was about to tell him the most sensitive detail of the story. I gulped. 

 

“Well…actually…Gerard was more like a teenager when we moved…” I murmured. Andy stopped and turned to me again. I kept painting, unable to stop or look at him, a nervous smile on my face. Andy kept staring. I cleared my throat and decided I might as well keep going. 

“We were really close when I was young. He took care of me all the time. He cared about me, cares about me. There were pictures of us in albums hidden up in the attic. Practically all of them had us together. He was…patient and understanding, and he just wanted to help me, and it was just so nice having someone to talk to who’d known her before. I-I felt safe with him.” Now I really started turning red. I bit my lip.

“And he was also so fucking stupidly handsome and good looking and I was so attracted to him, and somehow he thought the same thing about me and stuff just kinda happened.” I said. Yeah, that sounded dignified. 

“Stuff.” Andy said lowly and completely monotone. “What stuff (f/n)?” I blushed crimson. I bit my lip but it was against my nature to lie. 

“We kissed,” I murmured. Then after a few moments of silence looked away. “And then we had sex.”

 

Andy’s hand slapped his forehead and he groaned my name. 

“Look, I don’t want to over explain or give you the gory details okay. But he isn’t what you think. He isn’t tricking me or scamming me or just using me for sex. Which I know is what all girls think, but I just know. And even if he is, I don’t care. He….fuck Dee, he makes me happy. I know it’s kinda weird and he’s much older than me…but…he’s there for me. He really cares, and I’m so happy he found me and he’s in my life. It’s only been a couple of weeks and it was rough at first, but for the first time in months I’m actually happy.” I say and I stop and look at him pleadingly. He sighs heavily, pushing his glasses up but then nods holding his hands up.

“Okay, okay.” He says calming me. “I trust you. I know how smart you are. I know you don’t fall for the shit guys try to pull. So, if you really like this guy and he’s good to you, then I’m cool with it. He’s obviously helping you in a way that we can’t right now. But I still want to meet him. I’m not going to let some fucker get in your pants and break your heart.”

I drop my roller into the bucket and latch onto Andy in a bear hug. He laughs, squeezing me back. I laugh and sob with relief, so happy I’ve told Andy about Gerard. 

“He’s so great. I think you’re really going to like him. He’s really mature and funny, and into good music and comics like us.” I said. Andy smiles at me.

“He’s the one that’s got you cleaning out the house and painting it isn’t he?” Andy says. I nod. 

“He’s helping me move on. He’s honest and tells me things I need to hear.” I murmur. We’re quiet for a minute while I calm down more. 

“Well, he sounds like a good guy,” Andy says and I nod smiling. “But, the past few weeks you’ve been worse not better. So you either forgot to mention some things or left a lot of shit out on purpose.” I can’t help but laugh, he sounds like an angry mother. Then I bite my lip. 

“Well yeah, I was getting to all that.” I said. “But I had to tell you about Gerard first.”

I vaguely told Andy about how Gerard actually still lives in New Jersey. I told him our fathers had been business men from old money and were basically investors, and that Gerard had been left with the company. Something I said was boring so I hadn’t really ventured into asking too much about it. But that he owned the new club and a comic store back home. Andy had found that cool. Then I had to tell him about how Gerard had bailed with a company emergency and forgot to leave a way to keep us in contact. He hadn’t approved of that, his face darkening, but I told him we’d fought and made up about it and he’d more than apologized and made up for it. I told him it had sucked at first so that’s why I was so upset the first week but then convinced him that Gerard and I were spending more time together and working it all out. But I could tell he knew there was more, specifically with Pete involved and I knew I had to tell him about that too. I bit my lip again before I opened my mouth. 

“So….now are you going to talk about what’s been going on with Pete? Like what happened at the club?” he asked. I sighed as we sat back down, taking a pizza break. 

“Well remember how I told you about running into Gerard at the club and him taking me home?” I asked and took a bite of slice of chicken, bacon, mushroom and ranch pizza. 

“Yeaaahh,” Andy said raising an eyebrow. 

 

“Well….the thing is…I kinda left out the part where Pete caught us having sex in the coat closet.” I said shrugging my shoulders. 

“(f/n)!” Andy said spitting out some of his food. He chased it with soda and I laughed. 

“Well what was I supposed to do?! He started dancing with me and touching stuff and I got bonkers horny.” I said making a joke out of it. 

“GROSS! EEEWWWW! COME ON!” Andy howled throwing napkins at me and laughing. I laughed too, knowing Andy thought of me as a little sister that was never to be tainted. “So what, you scarred poor Pete to the point where he got pissed off and won’t talk to you? What were you fucking doing in there? SHIT, NO! DON’T FUCKING ANSWER THAT!!!”

My laughter stopped and I looked down at the floor pointer finger tracing imaginary patterns. 

“No…not exactly..” I murmured softly then was quiet again.

“(f/n)?” He asked worriedly. 

Better just rip it off like a band aid. 

 

“The reason things between me and Pete have been so off lately…why we’ve been fighting more….and why he got so upset when he saw me with Gee…it’s because…” I said, my eyes tearing up. I looked up the corner of the ceiling and took a deep breath. I had to own up to my shit.

 

“It’s because three months ago I had him take my virginity,” 

Andy dropped his pizza. His mouth hung open, sauce and toppings splattered across his plate. I held up my hands panicking and needing to explain. 

“It was just supposed to be a totally platonic one time thing! Okay? And he didn’t do anything, I’m the one who came to him and asked. Nobody was ever supposed to know. It was just something I needed to feel better. And I know it was dumb, but it was my choice and I was fine with it. It was just sex.” I said. Andy was silent. I just watched him. 

“Andy?” I asked nervously, feeling tears sting my eyes. 

“I’m gonna punch that Wentz kid in the wiener next time I see him,” He growled. 

“Andy!” I chided but then burst into laughter. 

“Has he tried to sleep with you again?” Andy groaned. I paused biting my lip and he cursed. “Have you slept together since the night of….ugh…the…deflowering?”

“Only once the morning after,” I said and Andy put his head in his hands. “….and once the week after that, but that was it.” Andy scream groaned into his hands, dragging my name out. 

“I know but I told him that was it. And I made it clear I just wanted to be friends, I never wanted a relationship with him, or be his fuck buddy. But for some reason the day we went to the club he kept bringing it up. Then he saw me with Gee, and Gee was jealous because he knew about Pete, so he was a possessive jerk and said some stuff I’m not going to repeat to you. Yes we already fought about that and he apologized and promised it would never happen again. But Pete left pissed and we haven’t spoken since.” I finished. 

 

Andy sighed. 

“So Pete’s basically just a fucking idiot,” Andy groaned. “He got jealous and possessive of you.”

I shrugged. 

“Maybe he just wasn’t getting any,” I said and he threw his Pizza crust at me. We laughed. 

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner?” Andy asked and I shrugged trying to hide my vulnerability. 

“Because all of it was pretty much my fault.” I murmured. “Because I didn’t want to bother you and I was embarrassed and scared and I didn’t know what you guys would think about me if you knew everything. I don’t know what I think about me after everything. I did a lot stupid stuff to try to cope with what happened with my mom….but that’s not an excuse, and it’s my shit I need to deal with.” 

Andy smacked the back of my head. 

“Moron,” He growled and my eyes pooled with tears.

 

“What was that for?” I snapped. 

 

“We’re your family, that’s WHAT WE’RE HERE FOR!” Andy yelled at me. “We love you! We care about you, we do whatever we can for you. Tell us when you need us or we don’t always know. We want to help you but you’re so damn stubborn you never tell anyone when you’re hurting!” 

My lips started trembling and my eyes blurred before tears started plopping out of them. I tried to take in a breath but sobbed instead. Andy quickly wrapped me up in his arms. 

“I-I’m sorry!” I cried. 

He rubbed my back and assured me it was alright as I continued to cry. He promised me we’d figure it out together, and he wouldn’t let Pete do anything. After a good cry we started laughing again and finished both the painting and the pizza before it got dark. 

“I want to meet this Gerard of yours the next time he comes back in town.” Andy said sternly as he made his way out the door to his car. I rolled my eyes and smiled. 

“Okay big brother,” I said mockingly. I happened to find it a little funny that he also sounded kind of like a father. Irony and all considering he was talking about a man I called Daddy. I’d told Andy a lot of embarrassing shit tonight but I don’t think that’s ever going to be a detail I mention. 

“I’ll talk to him about it when I call him later and see when he has time. I think he’d feel better too if he met some of my friends.” I said smiling. Andy smiled back before he waved. I waved to him as he took off in his car then went back inside. I sighed, feeling relived and giddy. Now where did I leave my phone, I should have kept it on me. Gee could have texted or called. Someone knocked on my door. I jumped, clasping my heart. I quickly padded back. That had to be Andy forgetting something, he’d only left a few seconds ago.

“What did you forget we ate all the pizz-“ I said opening it then froze, smile dropping from my face.

 

Pete stood in my doorway, an upset and slightly angry look on his face. I swallowed, thinking about closing the door on him or yelling. What did he want? Before I had the chance for any of those options he pushed his way through, slamming the door behind him. 

“What are you d-” I gasped but was cut off as Pete grabbed my face in his hands and crushed his lips against mine. He shoved me up against the wall in the entry way, his body pressing familiarly against me, pinning me. I murmured protests as we both gasped and his tongue ravenously entered my mouth. I was mortified that through the shock and disgust part of me was aroused by this. Why was a man’s desire such a turn on for me? No, this wasn’t right, I had to make him stop. I gasped his name to try to get his attention. 

“Filthy little slut,” Pete growled, his mouth moving to my neck and my body went ice cold and rigid in an instant. His hips pinning me ground against me so I could feel that he was getting hard. “Why didn’t you tell me you needed to be fucked so badly? I can fuck you up against any wall you want like the little whore you are baby. Filthy girl, I bet you loved making me jealous like that, fucking that asshole in front of me like a little slut. I’ll give you what you need.” I sucked in an angry breath as rage boiled up in me. I’d never understood how degradation could be a turn on for girls. Being called a whore only called up one emotion and one reaction from me. Rage.

“Ahh, OOOWWWWWW! FUCK!!!” Pete screamed as I brought my knee up hard into his crotch. He quickly crumpled as I shoved him back so he lay hissing and cussing on his back with his hands between his legs. I quickly jerked open the door and grabbed my ever handy bat from behind the entry table. 

“DON’T YOU EVER FUCKING CALL ME THAT SHIT AGAIN PETE WENTZ, YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE, AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I BRUISE THAT THICK FUCKING SKULL OF YOURS TOO!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.  
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” He yelled as I started swinging at him. He managed to scramble away from me and out the door, falling back down a couple steps. 

“I’m not a whore! You watch your mouth trying to call the kettle black you man slut! I’ll wreck you!” I screamed. Pete kept backing up. 

“FUCK OKAY! OKAY! SHIT WHATCH WHERE YOU’RE SWINGING THAT!” 

“For your information, I’m in a fucking monogamous relationship alright? AND IT’S NOT WITH YOU! Not that I should even need to fucking explain myself to you but his name is Gerard and he is definitely my boyfriend, the man I’m in love with, and the only one I’m letting fuck me! NOW FUCKING GO HOME!” I said before I slammed the door behind me.

I watched from behind the window blinds as Pete gathered himself, got up and furiously left, kicking my mailbox, swearing and screaming as he made his way to his car down the street and peeled off. I slid down the couch, face in my hands and groaned. Fuck me. I looked up as I heard my phone ringing somewhere from between the cushions. I smiled for a moment, recognizing the song from the club I’d set as Gerard’s ringtone before I scrambled to find it. 

“Hello? “ I asked breathlessly, hoping I’d caught him. 

“Hey baby girl,” Gerard said laughing and I joined in. “I missed you, how did painting go?”

“Good,” I said. “Eventful but good, Andy and I got the room painted talked.” 

“That’s great baby.” He said and I could hear his genuine smile. 

“Yeah, he wants to meet you when you’re here again. You think that would be okay?”

“Of course,” Gerard said happily. “How about in two weeks when I come back to take you on our trip? Friday night, I’ll take the three of us out to dinner before we leave.” 

“That sounds good…but how about we all just go and get dinner together.” I said automatically picking up on how he was trying to pay. 

“I need to start watching my words. You’re way too smart for me.” He groaned. I laughed. 

“Maybe you don’t need to bribe my friends.” I said. 

“I disagree,” he said. 

“Fine,” I sighed. “Then you’d better bring comic books.” We both laughed again. I thought about leaving it there, but I knew I needed to tell him about the new problem. Fuck. 

“Saw Pete after Andy left,” I blurted out. Gerard was silent for a moment before he spoke again, tone completely different. 

“Ummmhmmm,”

“Just promise to keep breathing and stay calm.” Gerard sighed loudly then was quiet. Me being me couldn’t help but say what I did next. 

“And if it helps, Andy said he was going to kick him in the wiener the next time he saw him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy late Easter! I'm back and super sorry it takes me so long to update. I do the best I can so please keep sending me those awesome comments cuz it pressures me in a good way to get shit out faster. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter and thank you for all your support, I super appreciate yooooouu!   
> Also if you wanna just chat about whatever or know more about me feel free to email me at battyjade74@gmail.com Don't be shy! I'm here for you and also a super weird shut in.   
> Till next time!  
> -Batty :3


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